Trish is superdee
06/25/2003 09:31 p.m.
yoyo, lol, i'm here at Barbara's house with Jeremy's gloomy eyes staring over my shoulder. We're making lemon cookies with a crust. Blaines here too. Blaine is a big fat Queer. Barbara's a queerbo. Jeremy's a man. I'm horny. I want some action, lol. AH! Anyways, so how's your day? Mine's well. So far, a little bit.... oh well good enough.

Toodles
I am currently Cool
I am listening to Blaine telling me my mood should be horny...

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:)
06/25/2003 06:58 p.m.
Don't you hate when you're all dressed up and no where to go? Like you get up, get dressed in clothes that make you feel fabulous, you don't have a stitch of makeup on, yet you're gorgeous, and so you'd think you'd be happy. But you're sitting in an empty house, and the only person that get's to see you feel fabulous isn;'t a person, it's your dog. lol, that's how I feel.... but I think I'm going out with barbara for a bit today, and hopefully I get to see Jordan, because I want to. Hope he did well on his exam...


I am currently Sexy

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( : D)-->--< (
06/24/2003 08:27 p.m.
Hoorah! The sun is out!
lol, I keep looking in the mirror beside me and making weird faces at myself, then laughing hysterically at myself. I'm riot. Hoorah! *Sean Connery voice* And the day is mine! lol, I wanna play Dominos. It's a big thing in my family. I wanna go for a walk and possibly frolic. I can wait till Jen gets here. She's a riot too. she's like a little kid that you fed too much juice and now she's not only hyper but she has to pee too. Lol, seriously, she's one of the weirdest people you'll probably never get to meet, which is really, really a shame. All of you, go out and find unique people. Unique people don't give you patpat therethere responses when you're sad. they don't suggest you go out and get new clothes, they suggest you write on your old ones. THEY ROCK! She's a big flying bird with lots of colours who doesn't sing pretty birdie songs but sings cheezy, teen punk, blink 182 songs and really doesn't care if it's cool or not. Because hey, if you like the song, and like jen don't have much musical merit on your belt in the first place, why not like it? lol. It's different if you play an instrument. then you know really what good music takes. If you play a real instrument, you probably hate techno, lol. but hey, each to her own. YAY! I'm beautiful today. I'm pretty much over my chest infection (yay!), and I felt good enough to brush my hair, put on sone real clothes (not just the sweats and teeshirts I've been living in) and sit up straight. Therefore, today i am beautiful, and you can't change my mind:d

Picture me smiling and laughing hysterically and singing to Norah Jones and The All American Rejects.
Indeed, that's me today.
I am currently Hyper
I am listening to Tsumani Bomb -- Lemonade (in my noggin)

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I'm not Sick
06/21/2003 04:22 a.m.
I'm trying to will myself not to be sick.
I am not sick.
I am not sick.
I have a headache at the back and base of my skull.
I cough up crap and I can't think straight all the time.
But I am not sick.
I am not not not not sick.

Ugh... this not being sick sucks. Hehehe, a good friend of mine today asked me if I'd date her if she ever became a lesbian. I was all thinking, hmmm, I might have to see about that, considering I'm straight, lol. I love her, she's so super. I think I'd be a mess without her really. Alot of people don't understand her, and that's ok, because she's a hard person to really understand (I assume, considering I don't know anyone, including her, that really understands her) but when you get to and you see who she really is, she's beautiful. I mean, really, really beautiful. She was beautiful on the outside anyways, but she's really a beautiful spirit underneath too. When you get to know her, it's really hard not to love her. She's got days when she's waaaaay too blunt, way too outspoken, way too much of an oddity to the rest of the world, and she knows it. but hey, we all have those days, right? Whatever, she rocks. I think she rocks alot because she's very, very honest. It can be very jarring to meet someone that honest. It can jar you for a while. But hey, there aren't many you can count on to be that honest whenever wherever.

There are so many people I love. I'm begining to realize all these crazy things about love. Not just romantic love, but love in general. There aren't many friends of mine that I can say I really, truly love. I'm also realizing how much I love people that might be leaving, for school or other stuff. It's not that I didn't love them before, or know it. It's just that now that there's the chance that they might be leaving you, you're very aware of that love. Actual love. Not just lust. Not just something about being caught up in the moment. Love. Like, I care about you, and I want you to be happy love. I think that if you're a dishonest person, especially to yourself, love is an easy thing to lie about. You can say in your head "I love you." But there are just some times when you look at someone, they might not even be looking back, and you just think "I love you, I really, truly care about you. Crust and all." Hehehe, that's a Chris Rock Bigger and Blacker Joke, lol, but you get what I mean. Stupid love, lol. Can't live with it, and you can't get it to dress up in a-- lol, sorry, that was an Emo line coming up.

*Sigh* if you're ever in the mood to listen to a funny white guy with issues, DL Emo Phillips E=MO2... he'll make you feel sane-er than you have in days.
I am currently O.K.

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Mentor
06/18/2003 06:37 p.m.
I love you.
You are never alone.
There is more than one way to fly.
I promise you, there is, if you only look to find it.
You're spirit is the most wonderful thing about you. It's the hardest thing in the world not to fall when everything is on your shoulders and the tightrope's stretching thin but it's here and now that will save you from there and then, and it's the people that stick it out with you that make it worth your while. Not the ones you love but won't love back. You can't condemn them for lacking emotions. You can only take life a day at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. You are one of the people on this earth that will change it for the better if you let yourself. There is nothing you can't overcome. The world isn't just your stage, it's a big ball of clay, and no matter how little you are you can always make an impression if you want to, if you push hard enough. Most people just stick to the surface. You're not them.
You'll find that tears fall whether you're here or there. Flying away won't save you from them, it'll only trap you in a place you can't come back from.
Too many people fit in and aren't happy. You're one of the few I've ever had the priviledge to meet that have been happy without being "in". Who needs them? Who needs this? The world is yours as long as you choose to live in it with me and everyone else. You can run or get stronger. Getting stronger hurts but I swear I'll pull you through if you need me too...
I love you. Remember that.



((men·tor ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mentôr, -tr)
n.
A wise and trusted counselor or teacher.))

I am currently Devoted
I am listening to .

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Echo
06/14/2003 07:24 a.m.
AH!!!
I wanna scream
I wanna cry.
The world has gone mad and I'm sick of being strong right now!
I just want things to be the way they were a week ago when I didn't think so much about stupid things like family and friends. I need some relief from someone out there. I feel like i'm yelling into a well and there isn't even an echo.

I need an echo.

I hate feeling weak but I definately feel weak right now.
Weak and very vulnerable. This is how a snail feels without a shell... or a slug on a daily basis maybe. I don't think I've ever felt so little. I'm always told I have a great smile, but the smile people see daily is one that's there only by reflex, I think. You can TELL when you make me smile.

"I've put everything I am in you, in hopes that you'll return it..."
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to nuthin

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Jealousy... weird
05/30/2003 05:11 p.m.
The wiredest thing happened to me on wednesday. I went on a trip with musical theatre right, and of course Jordan was there and Morgana and all that, but Jordan's best friend Emjay came with too. Now she's absolutely awesome. Like she was there for him during the whole thing with Morgana and everyone hating him and stuff, and she's a super nice girl. The only thing is that I know she likes him. I trust Jordan, and I know that they're just friends and all that, so naturally I would usually be chill, but for somereason on wednesday I wound up with pangs of jealousy for no good reason. I was like, ok, I need some air. so I went out on deck and was all thinking "ok, Trish, you have guy friends that like you, and some of those same guy friends would be there for you through anything, but there's a line you won't let them cross right?" And just as I was thinking through that Jordan comes up behind me and I was like "Whoa! Where did you come from?" I ended up telling him about the way I was feeling.... I felt so STUPId to be feeling that way, when in reality it's not such a big deal. Stupid instincts. Reason vs. emotion. Meh, he reassured me, which is good because I needed to hear it from him again, no matter how much I told myself. *grins* I love him. I trust him. It's all good.
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to Thugs Mansion

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HORRIBLE DAY
05/16/2003 01:35 a.m.
Today has been absolutely surreal.

In the past 2 days, there have been 2 suicides. One was by a 14 year old boy at one highschool, another was by an 18 year old guy at a different one. The 18 year old hung himself at lunchtime yesterday in the school bathroom. The other was a boy named James that many of my friends knew. I came back to school from a writers conference which sucked to see people everywhere crying. Then I found out about the 14 year old (I already knew about the 18 year old). Then after that my friend Sarah told me about how these girls (one of them was a really friendly girl in my Musical theatre) were dissing me and Jordan again. Right when I thought that shit was boiling down. Apparently I'm a slutty 14 yearold whore and the only reason I dumped Geordie was because HE wouldn't put out, so I got frustrated and started going out with a senior, because he WILL put out. What utter bullshit. I think I'm going to talk to one of those girls face to face tomorrow and ask them for the truth. That makes me so mad. Maybe I'm just too emotional right now, I don't know, but that hurts me so much. After that, someone was like "Well are they inlove ?" And another girl was like "I highly doubt that." My god if they only knew! and I've never had sex people! I've been waiting for a guy that I can my trust in before doing that. Somebody I felt safe and comfortable with. Geordie would dis me every now and then... sometimes he made me feel so down. Jordan never does that. In all fairness he may later on , but regardless of that, for the moment, I trust him. I feel safe with him. Geordie had never pressured me for sex, but Geordie expected it, and that, in a way, was pressure. He had asked about it, but it was like he was getting antsy for it, you know? I could have had sex with him... but it just didn't seem right. And now I dumped him because HE wouldn't put out? God damn people....
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to My stupid parents nagging ARG.

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*smiles*
05/09/2003 07:33 p.m.
*smiles* today is a wondeful day. Today, we're official. No more waiting until we can show the world. Today we can show the world. Yay! I saw Jordan between classes for the first time today and when I saw him I just grinned and so did he and we kissed. I was like "Hello boyfriend" and he was like "hello girlfriend" and we both just smiled and kissed again. It was super. By the way, for those of you that read my last entry, he didn't forget *phew!* he had to coach football. OH, he has to coach Geordie today after school, that should be interesting. But yes, anyways, I did end up watching the Canucks game with him last night (Stupig goalie *shakes fist*). Anyways, the bells due to ring any time now, so toodles
I am currently Loved
I am listening to The kids in my C block.

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Canucks game.... yes?
05/09/2003 01:55 a.m.
Ah! I'm supposed to go over to Jordans to watch the 7:00 Canucks game, it's 6:40, and he's not home! Pre game has been on for 40 minutes and if he's not at home then what if he's at someone else's watching ? Haha, I'm such a geek, lol. Becca's over for dinner and her and my mom and dad are like "ooooh!!! he forgot! He forgot!!" And I'm like "Nuh uh!! Nuh uh!!!..... (((I hope....)))" Oh well, whatever, I'm cool. I'm calm. I'm collected-ish. But seriously, you think he woulda forgot that I'm supposed to be there at HIS house watching it tonite? Hmmm.... I REALLY hope not... cuz that would SUCK. Anyways, so here I am, waiting for the phone because his Dad's gf said she'd tell him to call me when he get's in.... if he get's in... ARG! I'm such a freak, lol. This is the spazzing that goes on in my head every now and then. God damn it, call me! haha... ok, well.... becca's making funny faces at me with my Audrey Hepburn-type sunglasses, so I'm gonna end this.
I am currently Anxious
I am listening to "When I fall in Love" such a sweet ballad

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