Rant on the US Gov.
09/06/2003 09:44 p.m.
Time for my mainacal rant on life. Please note that what i say following this brief message is my own opinion at 2:12 pm on Staurday, the 6th of September, 2003, and may or may not be this way at any other time. In fair warning, this rant is about the American government (NOT people) and if you are touchy on the subject I suggest you don't read.

Here goes:

ARG!!! That's my starter for most rants. So I was in the back seat after my parents picked my up from soccer this morning, and their talking about my trip to Hawaii this year with the school, and my Dad's worried. why's he worried? Because from what he knows and from what my mom knows, and my family, and other people, from the media and such, there is a chance that around Sept 11 the Al-Queda, apparantly, will be aiming at Canadian planes. so I think about it, and something just doesn't fit. Let's go back to September 11th for a moment. Nobody wants to go there, everyone wants to just pretend that never happened. Who can blame them? It's easier than thinking about who did it, right? no no, I mean who really did it, because when you think about it, it really is kinda blurry. The USA has NASA, has the CIA and such, and somehow, they didn't couldn't know about what's going on? they don't know when a planes heading for their World Trade Centre? The Symbol of their economy? Oh, and one WAS headed for the whitehouse (somehow they know THAT much) but THAT sorta terror was evaded, thank goodness. So 2 planes hit the World Trade Centre and changed the lives of eveyone, everywhere. You bet it did. What about the pentagon? Well, yes, the pentagon, sorta. Did they hit anything REEEEEAAAALLLLYYY damaging? no. In essense, it was just a bit of a boom and a scare for them. Thank goodness it wasn't the mass murder of thousands of civialians the way it was when it hit the WTC. Not a single person from the very top of the list was in either of the buildings when it hit. "they hit too early in the morning" it said, for the bigshots to be there. I guess they all slept in. So, instead, it hits and kills about 2000 women and men, enraging the American people, naturally. Making them all geared up for the 'War against Terrorism'. All i can say to THAT slogan is "fucking for viginity"? And on top of that, Canada won't throw in the whole of her able society to help. I can understand the American's anger, both towards us and towards the people who hit the WTC, who ever that was, cuz they still are just going on their hunches. But ya, i mean, if they did something like that to Canada, we'd be pissed too. Maybe WE'D wanna go off and fight with the USA for Iraqi freedom from these monsters too! I betcha we'd all be fired up to go to war against those assholes, we'd line right up, ally ourselves with America and sacrifice our men and woman for THEIR (who's again?) power and freedom (freedom...). We'd turn a shoulder back and be right buddy buddy with the US and we'd fight for our lives and theirs, if someone started hijacking or shooting down OUR planes...
I am currently Angry
I am listening to nuthin

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School, summer, theatre...
08/30/2003 08:49 p.m.
WOOT!
So it's been a while since I've written anything here, mainly due to the fact that my space bar is broken and only spaces *sometimes*, meaning I have to go back and edit a thousand times before I get it readable. Anyways, life's been treating me good. I've had an awesome summer, filled with good friends and boys and theatre and writing, which makes it all wonderful. I'm not dreading school coming back in, but I know i'm gonna miss the summer...Who doesn't? I am sorta excited, because it's a new year... so much happens in a year I wonder where I'll be this time next august. Who I'll meet and who'll be friends with me and who I won't even remember that I know right now. Ha! I wonder if this year can be any more dramatic that last year was. I think summer is like limbo between school dramas, lol. On another note, I'm debating on whether I should audition for Robinson Crusoe, a play going on here in town. If I got a part,it'd be small, and I'm not sure I'd have the time for it, but my chances are slim. On the other hand getting some experience with auditions wouldn't be bad. OR I could just be on crew, which means helping with the same production, and less commitment. I'll probably do that, I just don't know if i should audition anyways or not (p.s., any advice guys? feel free to message me). Anyways, thats all for now.
I am currently Good
I am listening to CellBlock Tango

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:P Silly Barbara's journal entry
08/22/2003 04:33 a.m.
Ahem.
Firstly, I have not CLAIMED Shane! Sure sure, I happen to fancy the boy, but I haven't claimed him like a lostandfound puppy.... I'm not even interested in him as a boyfriend... not that he'd be a bad bf necessarily... I'm just trying out singledom for a while...... I was taken for 15 months straight, and I'm 15. Whoa long time. So, I says, why not stay single for a bit? Have a lil funhere and there ;), nothing big, you know.... so ya, I haven't claimed Shane. He just happens to be a person who's respect I'd like to earn.... which doesn't stop me from thinking he's prety damn sexy, lol :P Ok, for ppl who don't know, Shane's this dude wwho was in crew ith me for Music Man, he was the ASM. But ya, whatever, there's a bunch of stuff. Oh and my good pal Elina's prety much dating his brother, who is SUCH a great guy. He cares about her so much, and her him, so, I says, WOOT! ok, done for now :)
I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to Time Bomb

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One fine daaay
08/18/2003 09:58 p.m.
Me, Jen and Barbara:"One fine day you'll look at me, and you will know our love was, meant to beeee, One fine daaaay, you're gonna want me for your giiiii-iiiiiirl.... OH YEAH!"

I love my pals. We're singing, we're dancing, we've got actions. Jen loves Jessica Biel, We say she's got "Gurthy Child-bearing Elbows." Odd, very odd.
I am currently Cheerful
I am listening to Barbara and Jen Sing...well.... "sing"

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Sonnet 210/ Me and Jen's Labels
08/18/2003 09:11 a.m.
Sonnet 210

You seek the best that nature can confer
Upon our Univers? then come and see
That beauty shining like a sun on me
And on the world, virture's disparager.
Onlt, come soon; Death is ever astir
To seize the best, leaving the wicked free.
She is too lovely for mortality; (*)
The gods are looking eagerly on her.
Come soon, and you will see all comeliness
All virtue, and all gentle-mannered ways
Sweetly combined past any power to sever;
And you will vow my rimes are all valueless,
You'll stand so dazzled in delicious maze.
-But if you linger, you will weep forever. (*)

-Petrarch


(*)= lines I love.


I found this in an old school poetry textbook. I love that book. I've come to realize more and more that me and jen are the inside outs of eachother. what she is on the outside, I feel on the inside, and vice versa for her.
Well, lemme explain jen on the outside.
She was born with browny blonde hair, milky tan skin and eyes that are green and orange, no lie. She is gorgeous to me. Her hair is currently turquoise and Mandarin (Semiperm) and wavy. She wears tee shirts with signatures on them, some with cheesy slogans or union jacks. Her arms are convered almost to the elbows with multi coloured jangling bracelets and her neck is adorned with about 6 or 7 necklaces. She barely dares to leave the house without her eyes rimmed in back.

That is jen.... not that that has always been jen, but that is her right now, for the moment. Last year she was tight jeans and tops, this year she's totally different, and every time she's genuine. You look at her and you KNOW there's more to her than what you are looking at. Now this chick has been my best friends since we were the tender age of 5... or was it 4.... either way, thats what you initially see when you see Jen. when you see me, you see you're average "pretty" girl. I'd be classified as "unpopular prep" because I somewhat LOOK preppy, I suppose, but I make no real effort to be "cool" or make friends with the right people. But you look at me and you don't see who I am. You can label me with such ease and it scares me. You could look at me and see "prep" and never look into who I was and never know. When you look at Jen, you know there's something else there. But people don't see the other things about Jen, her great insecurities about her body, how she doesn't think she's smart, so many things.... and she says that thats who she is on the inside.

So we're inside out. I don't see the point of insecurities. She's filled with them. I barely wear jewelery, she's draped in them.... but there are people who'll look at her, and then look at me, and see me as just another girl.... maybe it's a balance. Maybe for some reason girls without too too much excess insecurities are outwardly subdued looking. I look subdued. WHY DO I LOOK SUBDUED! Damn it.... ha.

I want to be seen for who I am, or rather, who I think I am right now... but that changes so much. ARG! That last thing I want to be. Normal. Gross. I want the world to know that I'm not just another girl..... but I'm guessing you have to dig for it.

Now, to find a person willing to do a little digging and look just a little furthur....

Haha, but I find it really funny the looks me and jen get when we walk downtown every day. Looks like, hmmmmm those two aren't friends.... maybe cousins with different styles... or perhaps 2 people on an errand together... I dunno... it's like "oh look, a punk and a prep."

Ew.
I am currently Better
I am listening to Californication - Red Hot Chille Peppers

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Yay!
07/31/2003 08:05 p.m.
Woohoo! I'm just thinking of how cool it was to be able to just talk to Jordan, when him and his crew came to watch The Music Man. It wasn't for very long, or about anything too too important, but he asked for a hug, and it felt like some of the awkwardness was fading, which is awesome. In hindsight, I'm very glad I became single, even if it wasn't at first by choice. I don't think I'dve had as much fun at Music Man (or at my Jazz thingy, :P) had I been taken. Mo came to see the Music Man too, and that was so cool. EVERYONE knows Morganna (I'm telling ya, the world seems to revolve around her sometimes) and it was cool, cuz when I recognized her I was like "MO!!!!!!!!" And I ran to her and gave her a big hug, and people were always saying "you two are so alike!" and we're like "ya, weird hey?" lol. I hope I have that kind of character in 3 years. People that good are hard to come by. I now realize why the world thinks she's perfect: She's actually pretty damn close. I won't say she is perfect, because truth be told, she isn't... but she's perfect for someone, somewhere, most likely more than one. And for me, well, I'm actually quite flattered when people tell me I'm alot like her, even though I wish they'd comment on me and not my likeness to someone else. Anyways, whatever... my new room's done! Red walls, white trim, white bed with white sheets and pillows, a mirrored closet and shelves (I desperately need shelves, I've got so much stuff) and sliding doors :).Woot! Not a bad day.
I am currently Friendly
I am listening to the air conditioner's constant whir

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Angry
07/31/2003 04:57 a.m.
Here's a quick recap that I wasn't gonna write, but whatever, here goes.

Forgot to call home.
Got in major shit for that.
Same night, parents find Pathetic and yell at me for that too.
(I got the "We're ashamed of you" look, and the "if it's on the net it's not whatsoever private" lecture. Fair enough)
Go to cast party for "The Music Man"
Phone slips out opf my purse and into my aunts car by accident, and I get yelled at for that, even though I leave the number, addy, and I call every hour.
Got home and recieved accusations of being a schemer and a liar.
Was told that if I don't relate to people younger than me, then I am a "Snobbish little bitch." (Quoted of my father who rarely calls me anything but "Trish").
More Early curfews.
I complain.
I get yelled at some more.
I get told that I have to realize that no matter how old the people that I can talk to are, no matter my own maturity or the maturity and age of the people that DONT make me feel isolated, and I'm still at least 1 year younger, which makes a HUGE, in their allmighty opinion, difference. I am also a girl, and I should respect myself and them by not appearing easy. Apparently, if you have male friends entering your house too often, or if you enter their houses too often for whatever reason, you're appearing easy. and, of course, no matter what, what APPEARS makes a a difference.
In my opinion the only way old stupid standbys get changed is if someone goes out on a limb to change them.

But I am 15, and I do not matter yet. Not until the tremendous, at least 365 day age gap ceases to exist, which will be never.

**SMACK!***
Right in the face.
I am currently Angry

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"Jordan's Hot"
07/24/2003 12:46 a.m.
Haha! Barbara's so funny. After musical theatre today we saw Jordan and Emjay, scantily clad and looking great, as ever, lol. Barbara, now she's never really used the word hot before. So we're walking down this hall (Jordan and Emjay walked ahead and disappeared) and I get Barbara to say "Ok, yes, I think Jordan's body is good looking. Ok, fine, hot." and then she asked Shane (cool guy with blue hair, he works crew we me) if he thought Jordan was hot, just as we round the corner to see Jordan and Emjay laughing, apparently having listened to every word we said, lol. Barbara just BOLTED out of there, redfaced and all, haha. I'm like "Well, he KNOWS that I think he's hot.... good job Barbara!" hehe, funny girl. So what if she thinks he's hot? haha she gets so embarassed so easily when it comes to some stuff. Barbara you're super, lol.
I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to to my mummy

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WHORES!HUSSIES!
07/22/2003 07:33 a.m.
Lately I've been pondering, what makes you a slut? Really, I mean, what makes you a real slut? I think alot of the times we sorta just go "oh look at that slut, her pants are too tight" and thats sort of joking, I guess, but when you think about it, how does that make you a slut? The pant size you were has something to do with the number of guys you sleep with? And on THAT note, what's the point in calling someone a slut at all (or thinking it)? What's wrong with a girl who enjoys sex as long as she's being safe and is doing it for healthy reasons?... if she's doing it for unhealthy reasons thens she need help, not labels, I think. So she likes sex, alot of sex. Big DEAL! So she has sex with several men.... so? Think about it, for every girl that has sex, there's another guy on top of her (or under her, or behind her.... whatever, you get my point). Thinking about it that way there are alot of guy "sluts" too (I know what you're thinking, I'm just trying to put it logically). But guys don't get ragged on for having sex with several girls. No, they get ragged on if their excessivly jerky, true, but not for actually doing stuff with lots of girls. Girls are taught to be ashamed of natural feels, like wanting or enjoying sex is bad stuff, so taboo that girls kill themselves because people call them sluts. What's the point? So she enjoys sex. Yes, I assume most people do. So she doesn't do the "proper" thing and stick with one guy for the rest of her life... Pants weren't the "proper" things for girls way back when but look at your lower half now! I've read "The Naked Ape" (real good book) and I mean, who's to say that having one solitary lifelong partner isn't just a mother nature testdrive of a new idea she had? If having one sole partner, completely and utterly forever and ever was in her plans there would be no desire for fantasy roleplaying or porn or threesomes right? And so all I'm saying is I think it's alright to enjoy sex, male or female, and I don't think those feelings should have to be completely shunned. I mean yeah,there are times and places where it's definately not appropriate, but that doesn't mean be ashamed of how you feel. Whatever, do your thing and let others do theirs, I guess.

I needed that rant
phew
alright, time for bed
I am currently Content
I am listening to bzzzzzzzzzzz

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unfinished poem
07/20/2003 05:41 p.m.
Sinking with her spirit
Holding on to nothing, willingly as
Everything she knew just falls away.

Wilting petals die and drift, just
As she floats down into the
Nothing thats been beckoning, been threatening
To swallow up her soul
S

T
O

F
A
L
L

I am currently Dumb
I am listening to .

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