I miss pathetic.
06/03/2004 08:08 p.m.
I hate not having enough time for this site... oh well, summers coming.

I also hate people who read over my shoulder.

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Farewell (Muah!)
05/19/2004 05:12 a.m.
So, I love you guys, and I'll miss you guys for the whole 7 days I'm touring BC and alberta. I'll tell you all about it when I get back. I'll try to write some poetry. Probably observations about the way the people around me are. It'll probably all relate to how I am.... Anyways, I love you guys.

Barbara, be good, don't fall in a ditch, don't skip math anymore, you have no excuse.

Jordan, I love you, I'll miss you babe and most likely accost you upon my return. Bone up on that checkers for me k ;). (Accost might not have been spelled right.)

And as for all the pathetic ppl here, B and J included, you all better have a truckload of new and great poetry for me to devour :).
I am currently Anxious
I am listening to J-M: Quiet

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YES!
04/19/2004 05:10 a.m.
I live for these great moods :D

My jazz band got gold at the festival.
My combo got gold at the festival.
I placed third in the lower island teen speakoff and I get a check for $100.
Canucks beat Calgary.
I met nice boys at the hotel.
I swam at the hotel.
I bought books for cheap!
I played well in the first soccer game of the tournament.
We won the second in a 4-0 shut out.
I came home and saw my lover <3
I talked to Barbara :D
I had chicken for dinner.
I laughed all night with my lover -xoxo
I am currently Great

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moth
04/17/2004 04:03 a.m.
My heart stopped three times in a row last night.
Fucking stopped dead.
Stopped.

Literally.


I'm not supposed to show it. I'm not supposed to show it! If I'm freaking out it my fault. If I'm broken, then why the hell should I expect anyone else to help me fix me. I'm not supposed to show it. If small things derail me... If I want to break down and cry in somebody's (anybody's) arms for reasons I don't know how to explain... Why should I take what hurts me and put it on the shoulders of all the people I love? Do I want them to hurt? no. Do I want them to freak out? No. And worse, what would they think of me? Incapable little girl. Little girl little girl little girl, oh why can't you deal? why can't you grow up?

What am I doing? Why can't I just hold on? Why am I still a fucking shadow! I don't know how to keep my throat from closing up when I try not to cry. If my choices are breathe or don't cry...

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variety night
04/15/2004 02:03 a.m.
Here at the Variety show at our school. 5 Minutes till lights up and I'm in the office with the door closed and the lights shut. It sorta feels like I'm swimming underwater.... the way it is when there's loud sounds all around you but they're muffled and far away. I can see the stage from here, and the acts as they proceed. I seem to like it here in the dark. Tim left, and that saddens me. Everytime he saw me with Jordan, he ran. Then Barbara saw him, and he yelled back to her that he was going home. I feel oddened, lol. This room feels like a coccoon.
I am currently Detached

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3 Japanese Hostages.
04/13/2004 05:01 a.m.
I'm praying for my friend. Her boyfriend is in Europe and he's Japanese. He turned on CNN today and saw a picture of his best friend and his best friend's name on the television screen. Then he saw footage of his friend.

He's one of the 3 Japanese and 1 American taken hostage. They said if the Japanese troops don't pull out at the end of 3 days they're going to burn the 4 alive. 3 days ended yesterday. She goes to Japan for 6 months in 11 days. She's terrified that the first thing she'll have to do when she get's there is go to her boyfriends best friends funeral.
I am currently Depressed

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moods
04/10/2004 09:18 p.m.
So hey, one of the DOWNSIDES to seeing red is the moodiness that comes with it. Like yesterday. Yesterday I felt more ugly than I ever have in a long while. and thinking about it today, it's true what my best friends and boyfriend and mother were saying: I didn't look tso bad. I was trying on prom dresses and it was like that happy exuberant part of me closed up and disappeared into a void (like the beer bottle void we were talkingbout at the food court). It was so weird. Then I was all weirded out later that night.... arg. And I knew all along in the morning it'll be really stupid looking back on it, and it is. God damn hormonal fluctuations...

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*sings* That's when I fell for, THE LEADER OF THE PACK! vroom!
04/08/2004 03:01 p.m.
The poetry snowball is starting to roll in my head and all I have time for on this site lately are little journal entries! Bleah! Whatever, I guess it's just as well. It would all be frantic sounding right now. I'm not in the right state of mind to write clearly. 4 Day weekends rule me, I'm so excited. It should be a blast, and if not a blast, a relaxing period of time to help me deal, which is the real equivalent of a blast for me.

Barbara, be a good girl tonight, or I'll break out the palmolive and saladmaster and take it to his ass!!
I am currently Dorky

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better news.
04/06/2004 09:29 p.m.
Woot! After frantic calculation, I'm supposed to get it around this weekend ish. What does that mean? That means now is early. That means now is TBA.... WOOOOTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!






.... Now, please please please....
I am currently Obsessive
I am listening to nobehbehnobehbehnobebehnobehbeh

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owww.....
04/05/2004 06:20 p.m.
So this morning I had a freak out.... a slight one.... well no, it was big, but I'm calm, cool and collected now. I talked with a counsellor and its all good(ish). Judging by the fact that jordan hasn't logged on yet since 1 this morning he's probably still sleeping or he got called in. I hope he's still sleeping, because A) I wanna see him, and B) his jug of milk is waiting in the fridge, lol. I'm sleepy. My head hurts >%S <<<<I am currently Anxious

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