I missed Avril Lavigne on Regis yesterday
06/28/2002 08:42 p.m.
I suppose I should be happy, shouldn't I? In some respects, I guess. When I heard the "news", my heart sunk. Odd reaction, right? Well, one way to look at it (one perspective I've been unsuccessful in shaking) is that the guy I love just got his heart broken by another girl. I'm sad for him. I wish I could just give him a hug or call him up and let him talk. But I'm worried. Is that reaction an unconscious attempt to catch him on the rebound or am I seriously worried about his well-being? I know the second one is true, but I'm worried the first might be just as much so. So I'll sit here. I'll write more songs about him. I'll love him silently for just a while longer. I've been doing it long enough. I'm a pro.
I am currently Fine
I am listening to sk8er boi- avril lavigne

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manic monday
06/26/2002 07:05 p.m.
once again life has succeeded in baffling me. do you know those moments where all of your questions are answered, for one brief moment in time? i don't either.

he sat beside me. and usually he didn't like people to talk, but we talked through the whole thing. i love this boy, so the lines have been blurry for quite a long time, but he's so comfortable. i can't remember it, because it's still happening, replaying itself in my mind. i hope it always will because if it never progresses, it's the next best thing.

and i sang to him. once again blurry lines made it not so obvious. he didn't know, but i was singing those words to him... "guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say" oh the joys of teenage angst.
I am currently Giddy
I am listening to forgive-rebecca lynn howard

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Journal Entry
06/20/2002 07:07 p.m.
funny. when I clicked it the screen flickered white as though it was going to change a lot. but it doesn't. nothing changes much anymore. and when it does, it's overdramatized for effect ..and for some odd, sick, perverse form of mild amusement. eleven o'clock is not that late when gently laid beside my insomnia. all that matters to them is where i am when i am awake, all that matters to me is that i can't sleep.
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to johnny ate a tomato--leopards suck

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foal or fowl?
06/20/2002 02:53 p.m.
I woke up in a foul mood this morning. I went to bed late last night after watching Bring It On twice. That movie always makes me want to dance.. which is not a good feeling at two o'clock in the morning when everyone else is asleep and any sudden movements will awake them.. the combination made me feel clausterphobic. So after I calmed down, I messed with my hair, got irritated and went to bed. When my sister got home last night.. for some reason she annoyed me. I guess my inner aggression towards Cyndi coming out on my other best friend. I need to go running or God forbid ..skating. Something active and fast-moving.

I have play practice tonight. Did I ever mention? I'm doing "A Midsummer Night's Dream" with a local theatre company called Offshoot Productions, which by the way is saving my summer..and I have to mention that this play is hilarious in all ways of funny.

So, since Monday when Sean got home from New York and I went out to eat with "everybody" and Cyndi decided not to go and I went without her.. she's been weird. She acts offended then says she joking later. That bothers me.. why can't she just come out and say it? Get the whole confrontation thing over with. (though, I must say, I hate confrontations from the deepest part of my teenage soul)

I learned how to play "Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel on my guitar. I love playing it.. going outside and singing at the top of my lungs. I've almost lost my voice..

I should go do something else instead of wasting my whole day on the computer. Bye for now.
I am currently Calm
I am listening to Skater Boy- Avril Lavigne

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Journal Entry
06/19/2002 11:12 p.m.
I hate feeling misunderstood. I despise it when people read things wrong and treat it like it's truth. I hate having a conversation with someone online to tell.. on the phone you can hear in someone's voice whether they're upset.. or lying. It bothers me that my best friend doesn't know me well enough to know that the reason I don't want to go skating tonight is NOT because Christine isn't going but because I am embarrassed by my lack of ability to skate well. I don't belong in a stupid skating rink. She said "Oh, well you've been talking about going skating like you've really wanted to go and then the second Christine says she doesn't want to go.. you change your mind." Um, first of all.. no. When I've been saying that I've been wanting to go skating.. I've been meaning in a neighborhood.. on a street. NOT IN A FREAKING SKATING RINK.



anyway.. DONE with that. I've fallen in love with the band Avril Lavigne.
I am currently Affectionate

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feels like home to me..
03/02/2002 10:22 p.m.
my sister moved back in thursday. its been stressful hectic.. but im glad shes back. oh and i went to goodwill.. didnt get anything.. kind of a bad day but its really looking up. but i did get some adorable blue pants at tjmaxx and some hair clips! i swear..ive spent a bakazillion dollars on hair clips this year..i keep breaking em... ah, the pains of clumsiness :-D life is good
I am currently Good
I am listening to twilight-vanessa carlton

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over the hill and through the woods to grandmother's house we go
02/27/2002 10:01 p.m.
I'm finally reaching the top of mountain-over Sean. And there's this camera at walmart selling for 90 dollars and its just like the one I want..so in nine weeks i just my have myself a new camera :-D
I am currently Better
I am listening to twilight-vanessa carlton

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dictionary
02/21/2002 11:41 p.m.
I discovered India Arie this morning.. why didn't anyone TELL me about her?!?! she's awesome. I saw her video "Video" and that is a good song.. :-D I want to check up on her cd.. wow you've got to hear this song. its just wonderful :-D


okay, so i have this wonderful day and i get home and my stepmoms drunk and instigative. it sucks. life just cant give you a break. and i go to drama practice, sean gives me two words and walks away. its not that i want him to BREAK UP with anna and LOVE me... (not that i WOULDNT mind it..) its just that hes not even FRIENDS with me anymore. its almost like he's "beyond" me or "too good" for me.. UGH ..if im EVER alone with him im going to ask him whats going on. i just dont want to be all up in front of everybody.. but if we are..then I will. ugh that boy ties me in knots
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to Video-- India Arie (AHHH! :D)

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september simplified
02/13/2002 12:20 a.m.
I've written about a million songs on my guitar.. it's cool stuff. I love that thing.. i mean, you always hear about people syaing that its their "therapy" or some lame out there crap like that.. but it seriously is. anywho... i heard about this website called photoblur.com and its AWESOME!!! its this website for black and white photography..ugh, i want to join.. first i need to get some black and white photographs, eh? one day.. when i get a job im going to save for one of those cool older ones with the zoom in the "eye" that sticks out.. ugh, i cant wait. ill take a million pictures and post it on there and turn my closet into a dark room..funstuff. cant wait :)

oh and sean got his wisdom teeth pulled. sad. the less i see him, the less i think about him, but when i do, i still "love" him the same. i just want to talk to him again. gosh im pathetic. but..ive got his movie and im gonna give it back to him this thursday at drama practice and then all of our TIES will officially be B R O K E N. I hope I'm ready by then.





(OH AND by the freaking way CYNDI IS KIND OF BEING A BUTT.)
I am currently Crafty
I am listening to teenage dirtbag--wheaty (?)

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tremble tremble tremble tremble treeemble!
02/05/2002 12:00 a.m.
I want to write a book
I am currently Better

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