chrain rech
02/03/2002 06:16 p.m.
I wanted to hit the preacher this morning and I have absolutely no idea why. I'm bored and restless. Tired and fully awake. I want to scream, but I can't stop crying long enough to. Actually, I came home and bawled for two minutes for absolutely no reason. Now I'm fine and off to eat a burrito.. well, "fine" is a little strong..
I am currently Weird

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so distant...
02/02/2002 02:31 a.m.
i feel challenged to love God more than I do now..to know Him more than i ever have. to havet his passion that i can just feel by their words and tunes and see in their eyes. its just frustrating to mnow that i spent my time on frivolous things than the things that I really need adn now..prefer.
I am currently Creative

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floppity tails
01/31/2002 11:38 p.m.
Life is an odd, odd thing when you're fifteen and you think you're in love. It's especially odd when the person you're sure you're in love with holds hands with someone else. Someone with bleached blond hair and (more than likely) NOTHING in common with him. Life is odd when you're fifteen and, already, you refuse to move on. I see myself on VH1 Behind the Music in about fifteen years talking about how I "launched my music career" because of a failed attempt to fall in lvoe with the greatest person I've ever met. wow... the things that make you think.
I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to your song---ewan mcgregor and nicole kidman

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cataclysmic schitzophrenia in a delicatessan
01/25/2002 12:04 a.m.
Bea lives at Lakeside. Sean lives at Lakeside. freaking ugh
I am currently Jumbled
I am listening to cant get you out of my head--ugh..i cant remember

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flip side
01/20/2002 11:43 p.m.
oh yeah.


friday night, after the plays, i went over to my friend joys house and she had a little "get together." it was awesome... my first "high school party." :) lesley, cyndi, justin, chad, joy, jason, keith, (the other) lesley, and katie were there. it was so much fun.. we played pool, messed around on their piano, and just talked all night. it was sooo much fun. gosh, we were there until after midnight.. but joy and jasons dad is incredibly nice. haha.. joy made me a "bracelet" ..she bends spoons and forks and gives them to her friends, i got a fork :D. but we talked to jason afterward, it was his first date with lesley, and hes soo cute. he said he bought her a rose and stuff and he doesnt kiss on the first date...aww. i hope my pictures come in soon. and cyndi are going to set lesley up with chris or jarod. probably chris though, cyndi thinks they would work better.


I am currently Calm

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adorable, without the hair gel
01/20/2002 11:38 p.m.
i saw sean and i saw anna. the first night of the plays, afterward, i just couldnt bring myself to talk to him.. so i didnt tell him how good he was until last night, the night of the other play. anna was there. shes very pretty and i dont not like her because she "got the guy" but because she gets to spend so much time with him and talk to him and shes the one who hes going to make laugh.. and i would bet that she doesnt even realize how lucky she is. sean is one of the greatest people ive ever met. hes just a wonderful person and it makes so incredibly sad to know what im missing out on. i want so badly to be his friend, and it sounds pathetic and desperate, but hes just that kind of person. the kind of person that draws you to him and just makes you feel ...good. without knowing it, he made me feel beautiful and funny and just comfortable. im so mixed up. i feel privileged to know him but then again, i hate knowing him and not being able to be close to him. not being able to call him up and just talk to him. not being able to hug him or laugh with him or flirt. i miss him so much it freaking scares me. and it seems that no one understands why or how strongly i feel for this guy... sometimes even i dont.
I am currently Calm

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freezing tadpoles
01/16/2002 10:17 p.m.
I just heard that new song by Natalie Imbruglia... "Wrong Impression" ..I used to LOVE her.. then she just stopped for a while. Well, I'm glad she's back. I'm so excited, because I'm thinking about joining drama club and thatll be loads of awesome awesome terrific fun fun. :D so im a dork. and i must go. went to honor chorus this past weekend. i had lots of fun, but i found out things about people that i thought i knew. not like facts, just things that i thought they were that, turns out, they weren't, or arent. ah well, "such is life"



I am currently Romantic
I am listening to wrong impression-natalie imbruglia

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flog
01/15/2002 11:12 p.m.
I feel fat. I haven't exercised in a week. I do feel fat. I'm going running now. So I won't feel fat. And so I can say "I exercised." I must go, so I can exercise and get my project done. Good tidings!
I am currently Insecure
I am listening to fair weather --lucya (something like that)

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epiphanies with a side of onion
01/14/2002 12:39 a.m.
I went to church today. I didnt want to go at first. But my friend, God bless her, made me go. And I went and I worshipped and I fell back in love with God. Which is exactly what I needed. Theyre doing this marriage series and though I'm not married, it so applies to me. Sean is not a Christian. He's Catholic and not living for God. I just don't see it in his life. And I realized that as much as I've been stressing about him... I shouldn't be. Because "when God says no to one thing, He's saying yes to something better". And I'm fine with it. But, I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm just going to be at peace about it. Because though I love this guy, I can't be with him.... ever or even just right now. Because it wouldn't be good for my relationship with God. and my relationship with God is all that matters. So though my epiphany was bitter, it'll be sweet in the end. and as Rolling Stones would say "you can't always get want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need" yeah yeah
I am currently Bemused

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toad the wet sprocket
01/10/2002 12:26 a.m.
I realized this morning how much I love the song "sex and candy" and now I feel awful.





I started soccer conditioning and it feels great. I'm hungry
I am currently Divine
I am listening to blah blah blah blah bladiddy blah

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