Why am I waiting?
08/27/2006 01:09 a.m.

June 7th, 2006

I looked at the time, time and again, waiting. Waiting for the one, who may or may not arrive. At a time that shall appear when it appears. Why am I waiting, postponing life? Pre-maturing the death?


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Difference Between Want Created Love and Love Created Want
08/27/2006 12:55 a.m.

June 2nd, 2006

A thought that crossed my mind just now:

There's a difference between 'wanting' and 'loving', want generated love or love generated 'want'.
Do I love you because I need you, or need you because I love you? Love prevails even when the need remains unfulfilled, and if doesn't then it isn't love. It's a love for convenience, may it be intellectual, emotional or physical.

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Life Appears Soaked in Time
04/30/2006 05:01 p.m.

April 28th, 2006

Space is HERE, in time, but simultaneous. TIME is not, in our common experience.

TIME appears soaked in LIFE, bit by bit, and we, instead of SQUEEZING life out of the passing moments, instead of DRINKING the ELIXIR, SUCKING every DROP, drop by drop, tend to replace it, invariably, with a dead time. Or, we venture into a time that is not there, a projected thought ignoring LIFE, which is in the passing moment. We fill it with imaginative juices and repetitive thoughts, trying to breath life into the rotting dead, instead of giving it a burial.

This is the irony of the human existence. We exist in our nonexistence. Present in ABSENCE, living without LIVING.



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I Am Avoiding Writing a Journal Entry
04/30/2006 04:42 p.m.

April 28th, 2006
I have been avoiding writing an entry in my journal since last the two days. I was so eager when it came to me on its own in the course of a dialoging with a dear friend, but why is that I still want to avoid despite wanting? One of the reasons that I could gather after a prolonged meditation is that I am not sure if I will be able to recollect and depict the SCENE as I had seen, realized, and SENSED, prompted by my dear friend, in the course of this dialoging. Besides, this scene has yet another dimension that can only be presented the in exclusive words I have shared between the lines with my dear friend. I don't want to use those beautiful words in presenting this SCENE here, and I really don't know if I can present this scene without the use of those beautiful exclusive words. But all said and done, compelled by my own resolve, I will have to write using those exclusive words, though selectively, in my endeavor to give words to this meaningful SCENE.

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I Am Not Going Anywhere
04/30/2006 04:13 p.m.

April 28th, 2006

I am not going anywhere, as there is no place to go. There is just one place where I can BE in the real sense and meaning of being a four-dimensional being.

I know what BEING is, in words, but this knowing doesn't let me attain the AMNESS of my BEING. And how can one BE without being in the AMNESS of the moment, ever present in the timelessness of the time?

It's simple, apparently. I just have to BE by FIXING MY ATTENTION ON MY ATTENTION, sticking to it.

Attention is the KEY, capable of opening all the doors of perception, once you BE and SEE. You are CONNECTED. You are through this DOOR.



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Discipline of Mind
04/30/2006 04:06 p.m.

April 28th, 2006

I woke up with some mechanical kind of meaningless thoughts, and I remembered my resolve to get up with a beautiful thought.

A thought emerged as I got up.

Once you break your discipline you lose more than what you have acquired in terms of composition and energies. The sum of all your justifications for breaking the discipline is far smaller than what you attain from your discipline. The sum of your loss is much greater than the sum of all the trifling you gather on the path of indiscipline.

Yes, the discipline of mind.


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A Reminder
04/30/2006 03:58 p.m.

April 28th, 2006

There's one thought, a resolve of mine, which continues to knock on the doors of my consciousness, attracting my attention every now and then. Despite all these reminders - and they are deep since this also reminds me of all my resolves and failures, past and present - I am so stuck up in my routine that I am finding it difficult to stick to this resolve of mine. Eight hundred and fifty words sounds like too many amidst my current state of affairs.

It's a good reminder despite all the pain it brings. It's a pain I want to become one with until I resolve the problem as to how to fulfill my resolve of eight hundred fifty words.



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There Is a Party on Sunday, My Sunday
04/30/2006 03:47 p.m.
April 27th, 2006 There is a party this Sunday and I have to get up at 5 AM on Monday. I HAVE TO. If I start doubting my own ability to get up at 5, after a late night, I know I won't get up. But If I can believe, I KNOW I WILL. I WILL.

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Words Are Not Experience
04/30/2006 03:37 p.m.

April 27th, 2006

We tend to verbalize all our experiences in words. All our realizations eventually do find meaning in words. But there's a huge difference between experiencing intellectually through words, and actually experiencing it in implementation.

I want to STOP, and I know what STOP means in words, but when I implement this I am at loss. How do I STOP? Where do I go? Where is the domain of this STOP? You only know when you are there.

Well, I learned this by turning my attention towards my attention.

Yes, I STOPPED.

These are words, but they are derived from an experience.



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I Woke Up with a Thought, Yet Again
04/30/2006 03:28 p.m.

April 14th, 2006

I woke up with a thought, yet again "where's the thought?” I thought

And an answer popped up from nowhere, "your thought is in the thoughtlessness."

And then I saw myself walking into a different world of exotic colors and shapes.

“Am I in some different dimension,” I thought. 'Unique are these colors and these shapes. I have never seen them before.”

And then I realized I wasn't thinking, I was just sensing what I was thinking.



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