'drive-thru' reply
12/28/2002 05:21 p.m.
this is a reply to a comment left on my poem 'drive-thru deliverance', i thought it would be too lengthy to reply with.

well, this poem was written for a reaction more than anything, which i obviously got one out of you. and just as such, your comment caused a reaction in me. the main message i was trying to convey here was that being born, and dying are the only concrete things that we will ever experience. i dont profess to be part of any religion, because they all have their share of hypocrites. just as many muslims say that they are peace loving people, so do many christians. but, we see muslims killing people, we see 'good christians' killing people. people accepting the answers that their god has put forth for them is fine, it works for them. i just dont particularily appreciate people trying to pass it on me. maybe this is just a phase of youthful defiance, sometimes i get that feeling myself. on the part of my generation complaining about not being understood, and how we expect people not to judge us on our appearance, that's bullcrap. we do this to be judged, so we have something to complain about. and it's not an entire generation that is lacking of their parents understanding- i have a very strong relationship with them. but anyways, back to the whole religion thing... i dont know... if i've messed up so terribly in life by not being a god-loving person, i'm sure god will understand that she created some minds with the capacity to question her, and she surely should have had the insight at my birth to know that this might happen. in other words, it's gods fault i am this way (if it is indeed a fault), so she must surely forgive me for it... right? or, if she wouldnt, then i guess i have no respect for her. i think the search for truth is the only thing that keeps us going. once we find the answers, life is complete, and we really have no reason to fear death. and that thought scares me. i realize that it's painfully ironic, but we all have to live for something. it just takes longer for some to figure out what for.
~andy

On 12/28/02 you said:
This one was a touchy read for me.. but I read through. Normally I do not comment on poetry shadowed by curses... but this one I shall for it is a reminder of that youthful search for truth engraved by the thought of death and what lies beyond, threatened by a void. However, if you are really looking for the truth and not just a way to show the youthful defiance we all have felt... then you will find... there is no fear of death when you know the truth; and, with that sated knowledge and the lack of fear, comes an enhanced enjoyment of the life one lives... including the "down times" which, with age, one realizes only help to highlight the "up times". It never fails to amaze me how youth asks the world not to judge them on appearance and the lack of adult understanding, yet in the same breath judge a lowly "Carpenter" simply because they fail to understand the truth His followers have found, basing their lack of insight on the hypocrites they happen to stumble across. In this statement, I speak not of you so much as I speak of every generation of youth, including my own... I once was a part of the "in" group, too. Good luck on your journey to answers... I pray your course shall be less burdened than was my own. :) deb
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to the liars- mister, you're on fire mister

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the original title of this entry was too explicit
12/26/2002 07:30 p.m.
ok, shit. i just deleted about 8 poems accidentally, trying to move them to a new folder. dammit dammit dammit!! and stupid me, not having them backed up. shit shit shit. okay, so a few love poems (come and gone, comfortablly out of reach, a week away, kinky, and 4 others that i cant recall what they are.) shit.
it's not cool having the delete button right next to the 'move to folder' button. especially for retarded people like me. oh well. grr.
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to nin- hurt

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you really dont wanna know....
12/26/2002 12:06 a.m.
ROCKY THE 13th: OVERSEQUALIZED
in this slasher/ feelgood comeback movie, sylvester stallone plays the washed up, in-and-out-of-rehab rocky. He is coaxed by his promoter, don king (played by Mr. T) to go back for one last fight (yes, AGAIN.) although, this time, the opponant is the feisty washup himself, jason. unfortunately, since we dont know the whereabouts of the REAL jason, we substitute Jason Mewes (from jay and silent bob fame) instead. can the drunk, incoherrant loser still match up to this young newcomer? can jason have mercy on rocky? will don king get a haircut? will this end the long saga of sequals? does anyone care?
the answers to these questions and more, in ROCKY THE 13th: OVERSEQUALIZED. or, i could just tell you right now: nope, nope, nope, probably not, and nope.

look for it in theaters RIGHT NOW! now, when you'll see it in theatres, that's another matter...

oh, and also, tim curry makes a cameo as a sweet transvestite somewhere in here. just a heads up!
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to nine inch nails- we're in this together now

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crazy writings...
12/25/2002 11:36 p.m.
first off, merry christmas, if you wanna celebrate it. otherwise, happy december 25. anyways, just wanted to say something about my recent poetry: tis really nothing. i mean, it's rather unfounded. just whatever i've pulled out and pasted together, from bits and pieces of whatever. i think it's easy to tell what i truly feel and what is fake- but just in case. um, yah. so... blah. there you be.
I am currently O.K.
I am listening to thursday- how long is the night?

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stop the madness
12/24/2002 07:33 p.m.
i'm not the first to say it, nor will i be the last saying 'we told you so'. i'm not the loudest voice, but i'm saying words as stinging as any bee. this whole iraq shit is retarded. honestly. when we started this fiasco, i truly believed that they may have WMD's (not that i cared- we have WMD's too, right??). its starting to become very very clear that they dont, and i know it pisses us off to all hell. i am actually sympathizing with saddam hussein here. yes, i'm aware that he has committed atrocities to his people. but we dont need to do it, too. god, a war does nothing but shed blood. and we're headed for a war, no matter what. we always were. even if we turn up no evidence of nuclear weapons, we will still make it up to justify a hit, or, more likely, we'll just say they're hiding it too well.
so, if we bomb the shit out of iraq, and we dont know where their WMD's are (id they truly do exist), well i dunno. if i had a WMD to use against a country that just tried to destroy mine, i'd be tempted to use it. what i'm saying is, we're asking for a nuke to be shoved up our ass. i cant wait for that day.
unfortunately, the world will not be saved until the united states is fallen and gone. the world is flooded with evil, and the sad thing is, the government of my country is so strong, it will not fall. and it is the primary evil. basically, it wont stop until we destroy the world.
happy holidays.
I am currently Passionate
I am listening to loudermilk- the twisting

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i dont like the drugs, but the drugs like being written about
12/22/2002 06:04 a.m.
hmm... if you read my poems lately, you'll notice an ever present 'drug' element in alot of them. i dont know why, it's weird. i've taken extacy once in my life, and other than that, i'm completely clean (i take adderall too,but it's perscribed)... like, for my entire life. so, i'm just as perplexed by it as you may be. i guess it has something to do with my own subconscious thoughts about how drugs make us all we are and tear us down just in the instant. i think something with that kind of power deserves to be used metapohorically over and over and over again.
heh, it may also have something to do with the fact that i've been listening to the flaming lips, radiohead, and moby non-stop... lol. oh well. so yes, there's an explanation there.
I am currently Puzzled
I am listening to the flaming lips- all we have is now

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wow, 200
12/19/2002 11:17 p.m.
guess i didnt realize it, but last night i posted my 200th poem here. i dont know exactly where i fit, bt i think i'm about the 7th most prolific author on this site now. i write wayy too much. i wonder if sooner or later that you'll all catch on to the fact that i'm actually just rewriting the same poem over and over... hehe jk.
okay, so recently (as this is a companion to my poetry and such) life has been f**ked up. i've been in alot of depression and pain lately... but today it's gone away. it's weird as fuck. they call me depressed, my self diagnosis is bipolarity. well, yah. so, my last few poems differ greatly from my normal style of writing. i dont know why. i read akio scott's 'ataxia', and it was really pretty and surreal, or whatever. i dunno. it inspired me to write some of the shit i've been writing lately. most immediately was 'you were a beautiful drug'... it's in my little info box.
now the real question is can i get anyone to read everthing i write? hmm... we shall see.

the only thing between coffee and more coffee is a bookstore.
i'll probably stick that into a poem when i write it in a sec.
well, aurivoir.
I am currently Better
I am listening to depeche mode- policy of truth

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wowie...
12/15/2002 04:59 p.m.
2 entries in 2 days. i need to slow down, or i'll get winded. anywho, i just thought i'd like to say that if u read my entry yesterday, i mentioned that my gf writes fantastic poetry. i thought i might provide a link to a few of her poems:
http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/disconnectingnow/poems.html
check it out.
well, laters.
andy
I am currently Cool
I am listening to incubus- when it comes

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it has been a while, hasnt it?
12/14/2002 07:02 p.m.
well, wowie. i havent updated here in forever and a day. everytime i do, i promise that i will update more often. well, shit, you know that's not true, i know that's not true, so i'm not even gonna try to say that anymore.
so, my life has been a little wierd. um, first of all, since my last update, i went on a trip, got back. it was w/ habitat for humanity, and it was pretty cool. um, also, i broke up with my girlfriend in october. i have a new gf now, her name is caitlin, and she's beautiful. she writes wicked good poetry. hmm. over the past while, i've had a number of infatuations, nearly all have faded. that's who i am. i'm enchanted by mystery, but at the same time, i'm curious about everything. i'm pretty self defeating. well, i think i'm doing pretty good now, i've got life figured out. today, anyways. hmm... i went on hiatus from writing here for a while, but i've been on a rush for the last month and a half. maybe i'll just start using this as a companion to my poetry- so maybe you could understand a little more where i'm coming from with it. that might be cool.
well, that's about all i have to say for now.
andy p.s. it's been one year to the day since i joined pathetic. yay!
I am currently Quiet
I am listening to seether- Fine Again

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Journal Entry
07/28/2002 05:30 a.m.
i think i may have gotten her pregnant. not a paranoid illusion, but i crossed the line too far and too many times. i deserve what i get from this, for my carelessness. she deserves nothing of the shit that i've afforded her. she should hate me- i dont know why she doesnt yet.
i'd probably kill myself if i didnt have a commitment and undying love for her and her well being.
i'm gonna go.
I am currently Scattered
I am listening to smashing pumpkins- Aeroplane flies high

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