Hmmm....I Dunno
02/01/2003 12:06 a.m.
I am just sitting here waiting for T to get here. It is around seven o'clock now and knowing the way he drives I have at least another two hours before he gets here. I do hope he gets here soon. We are supposed to have snow tonight.

We (K, B, D, and I) are going to New York City to see K before she goes back to Germany. We are going on Feb. 22nd. I am looking forward to it. I wish C was still here. I miss him terribly. *sigh* Oh well... I should go for now

Ain't love grand?
I am currently Cute
I am listening to "No More Drama" by Mary J. Blige

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Always A Problem
01/28/2003 06:22 p.m.
In class right now...Should be paying attention...but I'm not. I am fighting with B. She read a conversation that I had with K about her last night and she is angry. I don't get it. She knows how K and I are...we vent to each other about everything...even if it is a little harsh... It IS only between us... I don't even feel like I should apologize because she had no right to read my conversation...If she didn't read it...she wouldn't be this upset about things. I told her she can use my computer but not to touch anything...Obviously that meant "Hey let's read this conversation." Bleh...oh well...I can't get too worried about it. I graduate in May...If she hates me that much then she won't have to see me again after graduation.

I watched the Super Bowl on Sunday with K and B. It was fun. Tampa Bay won! :) Also the strange boy we met at the bar on Saturday showed up at our house after we told him not to come over. I hope it doesn't become a habit.

Also I got an e-mail from C saying that it was about time we moved to our farm in Germany and get rid of all of the commies that come on our land. (He has an issue with Communists). And he also complimented my poetry and told me that I am a very good writer and that it was a good feeling to have someone write poetry about him. That made me happy. :)

It was T and I's 9 month anniversary yesterday. :) I miss him so much. He might be coming up this weekend if the weather isn't bad. I hope he does. I need to see him again...
I am currently Divine
I am listening to The lady teaching us about the PILOT in the Library

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Back To School
01/24/2003 08:46 p.m.
I have been back to school for two weeks now. I feel as if I am walking around in a complete daze. I have so much going on. I am fighting with mom again...I haven't spoken to her for almost a week. I am also having issues trying to figure out my internship. I hope it works out...that's all I have to say. I haven't seen T in awhile and I miss him like crazy. I am also desperate for a job and just cant seem to find one. I also have been thinking about C lately...and I miss him. I miss the talks we had all of the time last semester. He was always here and I just loved the time we spent together. Now that is gone... Bleh.

I did some bonding with dad last weekend. He taught me a bit about football and we watched the playoffs together. It's nice to have at least one parent that I know loves me. With mom sometimes...I just don't know...
I am currently Angry
I am listening to General Hospital on TV

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My Dream Last Night
01/08/2003 05:21 p.m.
I had a strange dream last night. It was about G. I don't know what brought this dream about. It could have been since I worked with him last night. In my dream I remember sitting on a bench...like a picnic table bench. I was talking to a bunch of people or listening to a bunch of people talk. A few people I work with...maybe people I go to school with. I remember that G walked over to the area where we were sitting. He stood about two feet away from where I was sitting. One of the girls sitting there (maybe H)...started talking about how bad G treated me and stuff...(He didn't really treat me badly... I don't know) She was pointing out specifics that I supposedly had told her. The whole time she was talking, G was inching closer to me... His leg was up against my thigh when the girl asked G for some kind of explanation. He took my hand and pulled me up and began walking away pulling me along. "I'd rather just explain it to Mel" he told her. He pulled me over to another table and I sat down. I felt bad about what the girl said... that she pointed out things she had no right to say...and I didn't want G to think that I told her all of this. He knelt down in front of me and said "Mel, that's all you have to do is tell me that you are in love with me...and I am yours." Then he leaned in and kissed me. I remember thinking 'Why now? After being hopelessly in love with him for four years... and NOW he wants to be with me...when I am happy with T? ' And then I remember thinking 'How will I tell T? He doesnt deserve this.' It was messed up...because it was like I wanted to be with G, but I didn't want to hurt T. And G actually showed interest...for the second time in four years... It felt good. I have strange dreams.

Well like I said... I worked with him last night. It felt good to work with him...for the last time...ever... Also kind of sad... Its like the G era is over now... for good. He wore cologne again last night...He started wearing it again since I pointed out that he wasn't wearing it anymore. Last night was also the first night that I actually came out and told him that I had a boyfriend. I know that he knew...from other people...but I never came out and said it (it was never brought up...so I never mentioned it). But last night he asked me what I did for New Years and I told him that I went to New Jersey. He was like..."What's in New Jersey?" I told him "My boyfriend...he lives out there." And then I walked away and continued taking drive-thru orders... It was awkward for a few minutes, but we got along great after that... Weird huh?
I am currently Cheerful
I am listening to Mr Big "I'm The One Who Wants to Be With You"

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Not A Good Idea
01/06/2003 06:36 p.m.
I don't think that spending an entire week together was something that T and I were ready for just yet. I felt like every day there was a year... I have aged so much since I have been there...lol:) I don't think it's healthy to feel like an old married couple after being together only 8 months...Do you?
I am currently Puzzled
I am listening to CNN news on TV

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Haven't Written in Awhile
12/30/2002 05:49 a.m.
Well Christmas has come and gone and 2003 is on the way! Christmas was pretty good this year. Aside from the two feet of snow we recieved on Christmas Day which prevented me from leaving my house to stop by T's, the whole few days went well. I went to church with the family on Christmas Eve and then T came over later on and we exchanged gifts. He got me a beautiful almost purple leather bag/wallet and a big bottle of Clinique Happy perfume and lotion. He was happy with the gifts I got him. I got him a CD that he wanted, a book he had been looking for for a long time, but was unable to find it, the Star Wars 2 DVD, and a home brewery, so he could make his own beer. He was excited about them. I went out with T and his family on the 27th, which was the same day that T and I celebrated eight months together! :) It was nice to see his family and they all got me nice gifts. His parents got me a leather bound binder, a calendar, and tablets, which will be very useful when I start working after graduation. His grandmother got me a cute little flowered planner with a journal, and his sister and his nephew got me a silver ink pen engraved with my name. :) It was all so nice of them. We also went out on the 28th. K made a nice dinner at her house for T and I, S, C and her fiance S, and also D, K's new boyfriend. The dinner was very good. Tomorrow I am driving to New Jersey and spending the week there, so T and I could spend New Years together since he has to work. I am looking forward to being away from home for a little while and being with T for a week :) Oh well I should run for now! Happy New Year to anyone reading this!!
I am currently Content
I am listening to The X-Files on TV

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Germans
12/18/2002 12:00 a.m.
Good question K... What is it with the Germans??
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Seinfeld on TV

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Finally Home
12/17/2002 11:56 p.m.
I am finally home!! Thank goodness! I am happy to be done with classes for the semester, but I am sad that K and especially C are gone or going back to Germany. I am also sad that K graduated. I don't know what I am going to do without her. She is my sanity. And it appears that K and I are going through quite a few of the same issues right now... which could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Good news though... I have gotten an e-mail from C every day since I have been home...That makes me happy...at least he is thinking about me. Christmas is next week... I finally wrapped T's gifts...I hope he likes them. I feel like I haven't been completely "with" him lately...I hope Christmas makes things better... Oh well...I should go for now!

I am currently Detached
I am listening to My sister's boyfriend talking

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What the Hell is Going On?!
12/07/2002 07:52 p.m.
I have never felt this overwhelmed and confused about life as I do at the present moment. Why can't my life be simple? Especially around finals time. It's like this higher power knows I am stressed out because of finals and they have to add so much more to that stress... Confusion and being in love isn't fun when you have to study. :(
I am currently Bothered
I am listening to My roomate walking around upstairs

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Thanksgiving Over
12/02/2002 03:43 a.m.
Well my Thanksgiving break is now over. Thanksgiving pretty much sucked this year. T and I got into a fight on Thanksgiving, but things are better now. I worked Friday and Saturday...It was nice to see some people again... but I hate N. She is a bitch. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't mind working there. I went out with K last night and met her new boyfriend. He is a nice guy. We went to Heart Lake Lounge for a few drinks. You'll never guess who works there. JK! I haven't seen him since he graduated in 1998. I couldn't believe it. He talked to me for a few minutes...it made me a little nervous. I mean I was in love with the guy in high school...and he hasn't changed either. It was nice to see him though. I talked to T before. I miss him and I can't wait to see him after my finals are over. I can't wait until finals are over...I have a paper, a project, and a final due this week. Next week I have two take home finals and three tests...then I am done. Thank Goodness!!
I am currently Content
I am listening to "Video Voyeur" on Lifetime

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