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if you need me to hate you

by Ava Blu


if you want me to believe you hate me, I can
I can etch it into my brain until nothing else remains,
until the blur of whatever we kind of almost were is gone

and then nothing will be left, the anger will be replaced by emptiness
and the lies between us, the brokenness, the demons
will all cease to be

and when you wake up tomorrow, there will be no more regretting meeting me
because I will not exist and this will have been just another accident in a long line of choices

we will disappear into the æther, we will become a black hole
we will be nothing

and when you wake up tomorrow with a damp pillow,
it will not be because of me
it will not be because we sort of kind of almost were perfect

if you need me to hate you, I can’t
I can’t etch that into my heart and pretend you were never the best thing to happen to me
I can’t blur the memories into dreams

but when I wake up tomorrow with a hole in my chest,
I will not regret having almost everything I ever wanted,
I will only smile and try to never forget
you.

09/15/2014

Posted on 09/15/2014
Copyright © 2020 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Mo Couts on 09/15/14 at 09:10 PM

Cuts deep and with a clean blade. Nicely done, Ava.

Posted by Matthew Sharp on 09/28/14 at 03:58 PM

beautiful.

Posted by Sarah Wolf on 09/29/14 at 05:09 AM

She's.... back....... :)

Posted by Nadia Gilbert Kent on 10/02/14 at 04:31 PM

"A hole in the chest" is right. So much to relate to here.

Posted by Philip F De Pinto on 12/20/14 at 01:55 PM

a tale with which I can seriously relate. I love the way you've herded words together and made them cohesively blue, cause blue is a color to be taken seriously and not a passing fancy. for me blue creates most art, and not the other festive and more benign hues. blue has it all over the rest in the spectrum of feelings.

Posted by Richard Vince on 08/11/20 at 10:48 PM

impressive resolve to hold onto the positive memories that hide among the choking undergrowth. over the years i have tried to achieve this, with uneven success. i can't imagine you could forget someone like that, so you may as well make sure you remember the good things. :)

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