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Serve PBR at My Funeral
by Erik Jensen1. When I die, spare me the pleasantries and I'll return the favor. I, being of moderately sound body for someone my age and relatively dubious mind, give you here my last true request – serve PBR at my funeral.
2. I have no preference on how its served so long as its cold. I've left you enough to buy kegs or 40s – there's a few Andy Js stowed away in my house just for the occasion. In the third thesaurus on my bookshelf (from the left, not right) there's a note written in a pidgin Creole I invented one summer. Read it, figure out what you can but when you've embarrassed yourself enough, take it down the street to Marty. He'll translate but only at a price. Don't give him more than $10 (he doesn't deserve more and knows why). The note will lead you to a second note that should be readable. That's the real note, but only the parts in rhyming couplets. Everything else is a lie.
3. Alternatively, buy the beer yourself. You'll be buying the ice anyway (I won't waste perfectly good money on water).
4. Serve the beer anytime before any religious lecture at the funeral. Nobody understands what the minister's saying anyway – maybe beer will help.
5. Commemorate this most momentous occasion on my tombstone. Keep it brief though. I can't stand anyone who takes a “scenic detour” with six words when one will do.
6. Enjoy. 09/01/2014 Posted on 09/02/2014
Copyright © 2024 Erik Jensen
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Rob Littler on 09/02/14 at 03:56 PM quite a scenic detour, six words would be...I am cracking the top on a 16ouncer right-goddamm-now, people are dying all around |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 09/02/14 at 11:01 PM This sounds like a funeral worth attending just to see all the characters who show up. Great humor here. Thanks! |
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