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Mama

by Wendy Geal

What is this feeling that makes me feel so small again?
What a useless trip growing old is.
What a cruel world to pluck me from your womb.

Mama, I need you.
I never wanted any of this.

No one in the world ever loved me more than you.
Love now, just doesn’t compare
Nothing else measures up to what you gave.

Oh the ache of not having you here, Mama,
is too much.
If it were anyone else in the world gone,
I’d be better off.

If I am part of you and you are gone,
what is the use of carrying on?
The phantom pains are setting in
The void is swallowing me.

All of the things that used to make me smile
are trash.
And I cannot hide from the tortures of this world anymore
I am no longer a child, deep inside of your arms
There is nowhere I feel safe.

I can smell your perfume, your cigarette smoke,
I hear your laugh and the way it carried on for miles,
and your sweet smile and the way you touched my shoulder
and made everything alright.

But then reality hits
like an exposed nerve.
Hex, hex, my memory.
You do not leave my head.
A torture that
will not silence itself until I'm dead.

When my world was crumbling, Mama,
You made it whole again.
Now there are just pieces and pieces of my soul piled up sky high.
If I stack them all together, can I finally reach you?

All the things that used to make me smile
Seem pointless now
And I cannot hide from the tortures of this world anymore
I am no longer a child, deep inside of your arms

I wanted to climb in that grave with you,
What a cold world
That stole our goodbye

If it is sadness that grows you old
If it is loss that tires your heart
I should be gone now with you.
Dust and ashes,
six feet under.

01/22/2014

Posted on 01/22/2014
Copyright © 2020 Wendy Geal

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 01/24/14 at 08:19 PM

I can strongly empathize/relate to this having lost my 'mama' almost seven years ago, and my dad almost two years ago. I never realized how much I could miss someone until both my parents were gone. Thanks for the well worded reminder. :)

Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 01/24/14 at 09:10 PM

In a lament that pays great tribute to your mother. My parents were quite elderly and feeble and though I was sorry to see them go it was best for them. Of course, I had been away from home many years before they died.

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