I gauge your eyes – do they glow? Do they overcast themselves in boredom as I speak?
Your smile – did it reach your eyes or only to the obligatory half-moon I’ve grown to detest?
“Who am I,” you ask, “to hold such power over your dictation of your own self-worth?”
It’s simple...you EXIST.
What I’ve come to realize is that you....YOU,
Man on the street, woman with her baby, child on the bike,
YOU dictate to me my own self-worth.
I search for it in your face and I navigate through your words like a forest
In order to find the truth – to find your perception of me as
A person.
A friend.
A co-worker,
A girlfriend.
A woman.
Do you like me? Do you respect me?
Heaven forbid you don’t – I shudder at the thought of you knowing how broken I am
Or worse, you finding out that I’m analyzing your every move,
Praying to God that you’ll overlook my
Brokenness...my faults...my shortcomings.
The truth is, I want your breath to rise and fall with my words and I want you to be elated
at the very idea of me.
I want no other to divide your attention from me so that I can feel
As powerful as the flawless, untouchable, unreachable image of myself that
I’ve erected in my head.
“Why Me?” you ask?
It’s simple. You exist.

08/25/2013