i watched them with envious eyes
their easy, rolling swagger
followed by their loud, boisterous laughter
white shirt tails hanging below
their prep school jackets
ties at half mast, shiny shoes sprinkled with dust
their short hair gleaming and dark with sweat
as they jokingly pass a ball

...football, baseball, soccer ball
it amazed me how they were always
playing a sport
even when sitting in a classroom
where learning
seemed to be some sort a game

i was never so shiny
so...outgoing and easy
i was surrounded
by dark thoughts, serious
and disturbing

their laughter follows me
haunts my dreams
pales my world in comparison
makes me feel dull, awkward
and...extraneous

but i am waking
slowly
i see these children
with their shining faces
laughter, easy in their eyes
bodies, swinging with athletic grace
startled, i recognize their voices

and they are mine!

07/06/2013

Author's Note: seeing your children happy and living the childhood that you, yourself, were denied...makes all the pain and loneliness worth it

Posted on 07/07/2013
Copyright © 2025 Genevieve Sturrock