The Ballad of Freddie the Cat

by Maria Francesca

another dark night
another bleak time
another grisley, improbable crime

and all of it caused
by Freddie the cat
and the place on the sofa
where he usually sat -

it was just the right spot
not too high
not too low
but just perfect
for watching his favorite show:

just a series on rodents
that most would find boring,
but it kept him amused
as his mistress lay snoring.

then one night there arrived
someone furry and new
sitting up on his couch
with a casual "mew" -

a smoke-colored tabby
with bristly tail
using Fred's favorite sofa
to sharpen her nails!

his pillows were ruined
his cushion was torn
and her scent was all over -
this was not to be borne!

with a blood-chilling screech,
Fred lunged for that cat
and she dashed for the bedroom
as he hissed and he spat

he would give up this fight
only when she was dead -
he cornered her
up on his mistress's bed -

they snarled
and they wrestled,
they howled
and they leapt
and their claws flew like razors
as his mistress slept

then suddenly,
both of the cats changed their minds
and their wrestling became
quite a different kind -

just as violent and primal,
and loud and unglamourous,
but instead of rage-fueled
it was markedly amorous

and when it was through,
as their howls turned to sighs
and the tabby ran off
Freddie closed his green eyes

unaware that their night
had a terrible cost:
Fred and Tabby had won
but his mistress had lost!

all the scratching and clawing
had cut her to shreds
along with the pillows
and sheets on her bed -

she'd been pummeled
and pounced-on
and carelessly bitten
and sliced near in half
as Fred planted new kittens

another dark night,
another bleak time,
a horrible,
feline crime.


Posted on 05/18/2013
Copyright © 2020 Maria Francesca

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by George Hoerner on 05/18/13 at 12:10 PM

Certainly no question about who "rules". Very cute m'lady.

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 05/18/13 at 01:08 PM

OH, cat noir! Loved this. Thanks, Maria.

Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 05/19/13 at 01:21 AM

A wonderful narrative, and a fine-tuned sense of humor. Loved it.

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