Some people think that e-cigarettes
are cool. Insofar as you're not
filling your lungs with fire
I guess they have a point.

However, they don't provide
the complete experience;
so, I decided to remedy
that deficiency.

The GreyScale e-Ashtray, activated
on contact with an LED tip, generates
an instant ash-like hue in the guise
of a degenerative Rorschach lung.

On detecting exhalation of Rapture e-Liquid
the CyberStench e-Odorant base unit
releases a pungent cloud of vapour
incorporating a comprehensive range
of materials that mimic industrial particulates.
This ingenious accessory addresses
the inclusivity issue with regard
to passive e-smoking.

To remedy the absence of symptomatic
physical effects, I purchased
the HackSmack e-Cough necklace, which reacts
to nicotine in the airways by electronically
simulating a blow to the oesophagus.

Not wishing to disregard the wider social dimension
my final acquisition was an e-Venter headset
designed to deliver, via thermal sensors
a wrathful refrain whenever my ears are burning.
[Credits: 'WTF' recorded by OutRage]

.............................................

I've been feeling unwell recently.
Yesterday I had an online consultation
with NHSDirect; the diagnosis? You got it; e-Cancer.

Tomorrow I undergo a remote procedure
to excise tissue affected by hypochondriasis.
That sounds to me like a euphemism for something
much darker, probably in my bowels. After all
they did suggest the cause was an inability
to control my e-motions...

03/01/2013

Posted on 03/01/2013
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