The broken bells
The forgotten notes
The wired work of a woman
Trying to make you love her.

And for what it’s worth
I still stand in solitude
In a crazy haze of hope
A prayer, that I am still alive
Somewhere.

The light in this darkness
Of deathly deeds
Across I look, and wait and take head
Living in my shadow
Showering my ego
Embellished in your face
Frozen in a stony time.

And then you peer, and protrude your eyes
Nowehere near mine, or my decaying breath
That to you is silent, slowly fading
Over
And inside
My rotting stomach.

And these torn and tangled tough hands clutch around
A bleeding neck, a broken heart
Not for you, but for someone else.

Normal as the day you say hello
As if it cost you your freedom
As if I was a worm, working my way into the mud
“I May as well be dead” I said, in my head
Catching the spit in the back of your mouth
The man, the dream
The decadent fuck.

And there lies in the depths, a monster you created
Like them all, allowing the alienation to manifest Itself
Calling, callous, doubting the cold damp floor
We walk on.
The chains are rusting
The web that weaves so furiously around my torso
It's Tight.
I feel a breeze
An angel.
And I looked and you, beautiful.

With coffee lips and a blood stain
The fear forgotten for an instant
As I try desperately hard
To stop myself crawling cowardly back
To the label and shame of what I am.

Now it has vanished, in a vortex of continuous grief
And there you stand, wishing you would regret
Relished in your own self-pity instead.

I get up, upholding some stance
Walking to the bar, bereft
Trodden and trampled to the last beaten breath
And a hair standing on the back of my neck
Turning around to face my fears
And so another sore sight
Embarrassed by everything that I am.

A
S
H
A
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E
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01/28/2013