I saw the way he treats you,
and I could have screamed.

in fact, I did, many times
over the years,
but you didn't hear me,
couldn't hear me,
wouldn't hear me.

I always suspected as much,
yet you remained out of touch
lost within the only reality you knew
which was never true.
But what could you do?

So he screamed at us,
creamed our butts with his belt.

Then we all hustled off to church
to have faith in God and stuff.
But that didn't work,
either.

It didn't take.
I never felt at home there,
never a part of the bigger plan.
(I never really cared about a heaven or a hell.)
Not when it's all hell here, to me.

Your other son ran away as soon as he could,
and joined the US Army, and screwed that up too.
And your daughter hung on
and married the man of her dreams
who divorced her a mere six months later.

And for me, well you kicked me out,
you said that if it were a choice
between my mother or me,
then I needed to leave in the morning.

I left that night,
it felt right,
as if one night's sleep would make a difference
over twenty some odd years of hell.
Why should I be religious?
You'd beat me, then she would
berate, belittle and bemoan my existence
on this planet.

I screwed up too, as often as I could
the third time was never the charm,
though I managed to stay out of jail.
(Just barely, in fact!)

And this becomes who I am.
He was married to you for 31 years,
and has been gone almost as long
and yet you cling to a memory
that was never really there,
for you, anyway.

Still, we speak almost every day.

Ironic.

11/25/2012

Author's Note: ... for my Mother....

Posted on 11/25/2012
Copyright © 2025 Joe Cramer