at the hospital
I register
and I am instantly
wheeled
up to a room
where a nurse
looks at my all too
open wound and nervously
prepares me for surgery

The doctor old me
he have to take out
the pacemaker and cut the leads
that connected
it to my brain
My usual low blood pressure
was sky high

It was surreal.
This could not happen to me
but it was

and I was in such shock
that I could not even argue

Before I knew it,
I woke up

I was minus a pacemaker.
but I was alive

I could not go home

The doctors told me
I needed to change
My weight was too low
The pacemaker
could not be replaced
until I gained weight

I was put on a stict
reverse diet
I now have to log
everything I eat

...Why does everything
have to be so hard?

02/12/2012