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Big Bad Red Riding Hood

by Maria Francesca

many years ago
and many miles away
lived a wolf
who toiled long and hard each day

and did what he could
to prove he was able
to put fresh pork ribs
on his family table.

see, the wolf had a wife
and some cute little pups,
and it wasn't that easy
to keep them filled up;

he worked hard to be cunning,
determined and shrewd
to make sure that his family
had plenty of food.

well, one day he was strolling
alone in the woods,
causing nobody harm,
thinking only of good

when a horrible harlot
perambled his way
in bright red thigh-high boots
and a crimson beret

and her skirt was so short
and her make-up so thick
that the wolf knew at once
this was one sleazy chick!

he was sure he could nab her
as quick as he pleased,
but decided to pass -
she was likely diseased -

so he gave her wide berth
and he went on his way
unaware that he'd meet her again
that same day...

just a mile down the road
a small house became clear;
from within he heard cries
as he cautiously neared.

he peeked in through the window
and went white as a sheet;
the scene that he found
made his heart skip a beat.

Old Granny Johnson
was under attack
by that scarlet clad hussy
he'd seen a mile back

she would kill the old lady
the wolf had no doubt
as she slapped her so hard
that her dentures flew out

so as quick as a wink
the wolf flew through the door;
he'd protect dear old Granny -
he'd even the score!

but before he could pounce
Big Bad Red drew a gun
and with one well-placed bullet
dear Granny was done!

then Red grabbed the poor wolf -
clenched his soft furry neck,
shoved the gun in his gullet
and blew him to heck!

then she smeared Granny's blood
on the wolf's gaping jaws,
wiped the gun clean of prints,
put it in the wolf's paw,

and she called the police
and she sobbed and she wailed
and made up a sad and deceitful tale

and the cops ate it up -
bought that slut's sleazy story;
when you hear it these days
Big Bad Red gets the glory.

but now you know better -
the truth has come out
so take what you've heard
with a helping of doubt --

if you ever see Red,
then please sound the alarm
and remember the wolf,
who meant nobody harm.

08/21/2011

Author's Note: Okay, except for the pigs. He meant some harm to the pigs. But they were so tasty, after all.

Posted on 08/22/2011
Copyright © 2024 Maria Francesca

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Alison McKenzie on 08/22/11 at 05:59 AM

So, I rated this poem the highest I could, but I REALLY would have liked to have said "Supremely Imaginative", and "Excellently Clever" :)) I know this is a twist on an already told story, but I enjoyed every single word!!

Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 08/22/11 at 04:03 PM

Can't say no to pork. This was brilliant, imaginative stuff, and I think it's also one of your best to date.

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 08/23/11 at 03:29 PM

I love how your mind works! This set the story straight, for sure! A delight to read.

Posted by Kristine Briese on 08/23/11 at 07:55 PM

Wonderful! Such imagination. Truly delightful.

Posted by Mo Couts on 08/24/11 at 07:58 PM

OOohhhhh!!! This a genius rendition on the story we all know, except we really didn't know it til you told us your version. AWESOME!

Posted by Maria Terezia Ferencz on 08/25/11 at 09:49 AM

Heh heh heh here comes little Red Riding Hood. Lov it!

Posted by Linda Fuller on 08/25/11 at 07:34 PM

This is sick! (in a good way). I see you have a "warped fairy tales" folder - I'll be checking them out.

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