her muted smile
by Jim Benz
evening sun, the wild grass
a gabled house, the weathercock turning
a picket fence, a fieldstone entry
boots on the doormat, a butcher's gait
his leather pouch, coins in his pocket
her muted smile, a warm embrace
a dark oak table, an amber bottle
a cut-glass tumbler, the tinkling of ice
logs on the fire grate, an odor of bread
fresh-cut daisies, her tenuous hands
a woman's portrait, her deep set eyes
a plate glass window, the brilliant sky
Author's Note: meh. more of an exercise than anything else I guess.
Posted on 11/11/2010
Copyright © 2023 Jim Benz
|Member Comments on this Poem|
|Posted by Steve Michaels on 11/11/10 at 11:50 PM|
Well, you call it an exercise, I call it "I wish I wrote it." Great stuff here!
|Posted by Paul Lastovica on 11/12/10 at 02:56 AM|
love a good image-string poem
|Posted by Stephan Anstey on 11/12/10 at 01:46 PM|
This is close Jim. I don't know if I like the title-pull from the poem, particularly since it is a montage that begs for just a tiny bit of narrative. My mind actually skipped the 'his' parts and read them as hers - I don't know if that's important, but I thought it worth letting you know that as a reader, I tended to want to read the entire scene as the anonymous author watching this woman and the unfolding evening.
|Posted by Johnny Crimson on 11/12/10 at 07:55 PM|
you guys are such Techies. This is brilliant Jim. Great work.
|Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 11/14/10 at 10:25 PM|
If this were a window it would be stained glass! Pastoral and picturesque. Also, has a sense of tranquility.
|Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 04/02/11 at 05:15 PM|
Gentle beauty is what I feel when I read this. I'd love to see more of these portraits from you, Jim. And now I want to try writing one myself. I like the quiet observant feel in here.
|Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 04/02/11 at 05:16 PM|
Plus, I adore and agree with Johnny Crimsom's note!
|Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 04/04/11 at 05:01 PM|
This is beautiful Jim; I didn't want it to stop. Love how the intense descriptiveness dances down the page.
|Posted by Kristine Briese on 04/05/11 at 02:17 AM|
Warmth and permanence and contentment; these are some of the things I feel here.
|Posted by Julie Adams on 04/05/11 at 08:58 PM|
AWESOME, exercises often are...this is exceptional though, imagery abound! A pleasure, peace, jewels xooxox
|Posted by Cherub Madden on 04/10/11 at 05:13 PM|
This is one to read a couple of times. The first brought to mind the comfort in the subtleties of a long-term relationship. The second reading brought that claustrophobic need to escape those same subtleties. If that makes sense at all. Needless to say, I really liked the way it plays inside your head.
|Posted by Laura Doom on 11/20/11 at 02:43 PM|
...which reminded me -- an exercise in reader participation and this writer's expression of appreciation...
|Posted by Elizabeth Shaw on 12/13/11 at 07:26 AM|
i like this much
|Posted by Laura Doom on 01/18/14 at 11:32 AM|
Maybe an exercise for the writer, but a demonstration for the reader. It's not until we register what, in theory, is missing that we can appreciate its presence in our appreciation. This poem moves without moving...brilliant in its shared creativity.