I’m deeply in love
with your fictional memories
and wish very much
that they were strong enough
to wash over these old movies.

I’m tired of flinching.
I have no use for what really happened.

You’re the genius.
You’re the one who almost got published in The New Yorker.

Let’s go with your perspective instead.

The colors would be a lot more interesting,
and the losers would be able to lift up
city buses with just one hand.

The other hand would catch a cold beer
as it flies from a car belonging to a lonely man
who lives for being in on such things.

In other words
everyone would have a place to go
at the photo finish.

All those streetlights would cue good fortune
and selfless momentum when you walked under them.

Everyone would be right on time for a change.

I wouldn’t have to start plummeting three thousand
miles above Tokyo and then wake up because
in the real world I’ve been coughing a lot more
and praying a lot less.

One of these days I’ll finally hit the ground
and prove that I’m much smarter
than any sort of career-ending injury.

It’s been in the works for years.
All I need to do learn how to pop the crowd
without cheap suits and magic tricks.

Some kind of webcam deal with the devil
might have to go down first. Search me.
Until recently I just told people I was lucky
to have gone this long without ever joining
the circus. To have been able to walk away
from so many of those physically impossible car accidents.

I don’t feel lucky anymore,
and I really don’t feel like I deserve
to know both your everyday phone number
and the one you use when it’s time
to hit Reno and clean up just long enough to get your son back
for a few months.

I don’t deserve it,
but I’ve cleared my schedule for the next ten years
to take everything and get something out of it
that finally impresses people
with something I meant to do in the first place.

I won’t be famous,
but I will be able to walk down the freeway
and look cool without being afraid
for even a second of what that usually takes out of me.

07/14/2010

Posted on 07/14/2010
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