|
Futility's Flight
by Clara Mae GregoryTree Swallows fly
In the veiled skies
That hides the horizon
And echoes their cries
from the tremor's destruction
With just a glance
I could smell the stench
In the crimson visions
That haunted my thoughts
with the sounds of fears
Burned within my ears
The only solace was the sun
Rising from its rest
Casting hope
Upon those left
Sheltered in the tents
Choices are illusions
Rolled atop the rumble
Or churned in soils crumbled
Survival is nurtured
By a past buried in rubble
Waiting without a promise
On a chance
That never comes
Their dreams
Are built on tremors
Because there is
No place to run
Just as the swallows fly
Looking for their home.
01/20/2010 Author's Note: first draft, could use some revision I'm sure-
I am open to suggestions....
anyways, had a dream last night and this is kind of the remnants of memory of it and maybe it is all the recent news of Haiti.
Posted on 01/21/2010
Copyright © 2025 Clara Mae Gregory
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by V. Blake on 01/21/10 at 02:24 AM "Their dreams are built on tremors" is a great line. Whatever you end up changing, keep that one. |
| Posted by Therese Elaine on 01/21/10 at 06:18 AM I am shaking my fist at Vince because he and I have been echoing each other's thoughts on pieces all day! But he's right -that line is superb Clara, and the line "Survival is nurtured/By a past buried in rubble" is another really strong one -if you revise it, you've got some great imagery to work with -I'm very impressed that this is just a first draft!!!
|
| Posted by Allison Smith on 01/21/10 at 08:39 AM Glancing at tree swallows :) Nice work! |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 01/21/10 at 05:13 PM I like how you tied the poem together with the swallows beginning to end. The second stanza really gives strength to this with that first person approach - I am drawn much closer to this horror. I keep trying to think of a different word than "tree" at the beginning, although I like the 'beat' it gives the line. Really liked "choices are illusions", and "their dreams are built on tremors"... |
| Posted by Laura Doom on 01/22/10 at 12:22 AM Some strong imagery here, and running rhymes and rhythms throughout. I like the way it alludes to a context without explicitly tying itself to a specific event, which does reflect, of course, the nature of dreams :>
I have a few ideas... |
|
