i miss you.

i really shouldn't.

i still think of you. wondering how you're doing. if you're laughing at the current moment.

i wonder if you ever think of me, if you miss me.

i hate not knowing if you meant all the those things you said to me, the good and the bad. was i just cake you were eating too? was i just there to allow you to live every man's dreams? or did you really care about me?

i think you're scared. i don't think you really want what you have but it's all you know and that's why you're scared. it's easier to stay and sacrifice your happiness.

i could be wrong about that last statement.

i no longer find pleasure in knowing that i can break a person or ruin their life because i have the power because i know secrets. i know words. because i am the secret.

i am happy.

i smile more.

i look at things differently. it's no longer the end of the world when things don't go according to any plan, including mine.

i see only opportunities now, with everything. i can go anywhere i want too now. Las Vegas, visit friends in NYC or Virginia Beach. i look at cars and say, "i can drive that". i look at people and say "i can be like that". i can do it. i can do anything. i can do everything.

i was scared and lost at the beginning on this end. i didn't think i could make it.

i am proud.

i can live without you.

12/21/2009

Author's Note: i find the ability to admit these statements, these affirmations, healthy and healing.

Posted on 12/21/2009
Copyright © 2025 Nanette Bellman