Pain?
I beat myself up so much.
Despite all my love,
I am a failure
as a mom
and i cry
too much.

David, cowboy hat
now 26,
tried to
hang himself
at age 17.
Suicide
induced by a
drug-laced beer.
Shallow friends,huh?
He heard voices.
Jumped at 16
by a "GANG"
of other color.
Now tattooed
with "SKINHEAD"
on the back
of his neck.
A "butt head birth"
and no relief,
one month premature
from Christmas Day
(was that THANKSGIVING?)

My only daugher,
sweet honeybee,
had a tough time too.
Stupid in her own error,
just like her mom
(only i didn't
get caught
doing what
i ought naught).
A natural birth
and most glorious joy,
yet I failed
my girl.

And my "SUPRISE"
baby,Robbie,
promised to not.
But became too much
when his best friend's
mom shot
herself.
Then he got busted
for selling pot
at the skate park
the Friday before
Mother's day
HEY hey hey.
And this baby
couldn't wait
when he was born
no time then
for pain drugs when
he came so fast
one hour
and forty five minutes
past
the moment
when the pain
started

05/15/2008

Author's Note: repost to archive in autobiographical poetry.[orignal author's note:*the sad thing is, I am NOT making any of this up...it is all true...first posted in my journal, I did not realize it was a poem exactly. I hope I do not scare any women out there from wanting to be mothers.A butt head birth is breech.] Update:Melissa is now 22 and doing very well and lives with her boyfriend in Sugar Grove,NC.Robbie is now 18 and just completed the requirements needed to graduate and now has his HS diploma. He is living at home with us looking for a job and will start community college soon. He is still facing court for another related charge(he didn't learn the first time he got busted)but our lawyer feels he can get it thrown out due to illegal search. David and family are doing much better.He is working full time and is a communications tower technician.They have resettled in Western NC near Andrews and have a very nice home.All 3 of my grandchildren are thriving and doing well. So,this poem documents the fact that there is always hope if you don't give in and give up.

Posted on 10/03/2009
Copyright © 2026 Clara Mae Gregory