Dear Ma
Today is your birthday
and I didn't forget
We lit the Candle
as promised
and said the Kaddish
I cried

Your Granddaughter
and Great Grandson
were over
taking a bath
She knew I was crying
but understood why

As I was crying
I looked at your picture
and promised to write
this poem

I still regret
treating you
as badly
as I thought I did
but that's water under
the bridge

I cried that I wished
I was as strong
as you
but I'm not
I tried
I did the best I could
but I guess that still isn't
good enough
I want to be
more like you

But I can't
I'm me
and me is the only thing
I can be
I'm not you
I wish I was

You deserve better
than this
from me
but I tried
I really did
and I will continue
to try
until
the day I die

I knew you
couldn't live forever
but I wish I had more
time ~ time to spend
with you

You just never knew
how much I loved you
and I did
I really did
I just never
was able to tell you
but I can now
in this letter
that you'll
never read

I'm sure you're looking
down at me
wondering why
I'm writing this letter
to someone
who exists only in my mind

I also want you to know
that I don't blame you
I know that you always
blamed yourself
for what happened to me
but it wasn't your fault
It wasn't anyone's fault
it just happened
it just happened to me

Life isn't fair
you always taught me that
and I learned my lesson well
I'll try to do better
I'm trying to get better
but it's not working
as quick as I want
Patience was never my strong suit
but I don't need to tell you that
you already knew

Life deals us a hand
and we must play it out
good or bad
we win or we lose
and in the end
it all evens out

All I really want to say
is that I love you
nothing will ever change that
So Happy Birthday Ma
I'll talk to you soon
I just wish you were here
to hug you and love you
on this very
special day

I'll never forget
that you were here
and you made a difference
after all is said and done
the only thing that matters
is that you were loved
and remembered
and you are

Dear Ma
I just hope
that you're healthy and happy
and the pain has stopped
and tell Dad that I love him
and think about him alot

I'm sorry for rambling on
this way
but there were things
I just needed to say

Dear Ma
Please forgive me
for acting this way
and someday
when my life is over
I hope someone remembers
to write me a poem
and light a candle
that's all I ask

05/11/2009

Author's Note: My Mother would have turned 84 today. I know this is not my best work, but it is what it is. I cried when i wrote this, so don't judge me too harsh.

Posted on 05/11/2009
Copyright © 2026 Joan Serratelli