you will see me awake with wavy hair,
sticking to my face

you will see the dark circles under my eyes
and I will not cower underneath the sheets

you will see me sitting in front of the computer in a shirt only,
bare on the chair

you will think I am beautiful
in every aspect
even when I haven't showered all day

it will not matter when my arms are bruised from the IV's
and the blood they keep checking

it will not matter when the bed is covered in strands of my hair
and the sheets smell of the shampoo I use

you will tell me you love me
just as I vomit
and you may not hold my hair back,
because I won't let you in,
but I will hear your voice through the door
telling me you aren't leaving

you will watch me chew off every nail
and still kiss my hands

you will kiss me goodbye at the airport
even though I don't like to kiss in public,
and I won't be angry for long

I will awake in the middle of the night,
panicked,
and I will allow your voice over the phone to
help me fall asleep again

I will let you read all of my stories,
see all of the movies as I remember them,
and you will flinch but never be focused on the words

you will always just focus on me

and I think love is a complicated mess
we've figured out how to simplify
over breakfast in bed.

01/31/2009

Posted on 01/31/2009
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