I'm over it.

High altitude, lost in a 50's rock rotation, sipping on a stiff gin and tonic, it all starts to make sense.

These past few years of denial, confusion, and excess all start to materialize and for once I see some sort of light.

The forgotten truth.

Stories from my youth, when I drank the gin without the vermouth.


No more
nights spent spinning in far away places,
strange faces,
with no traces
of familiarality.

I'm over drunken car chases,
embarassing court cases,
I'm starting to understand exactly where
my place is.

Here, where it all began.

with you.

I want meaningful conversations with old friends,
nostalgia,
music from my teenage years;
eyes who understand who I am.

I want a bed to fall asleep in every night,
a place where I can eat breakfast in peace,
no telephone, no bums begging for change

no schizophrenics who know my name,
no bus stops with magazines in foreign languages,
or middle-aged european musicians who play the piano for ballerinas
but know me for another form of dancing.

I'm over it all now.

The rush, the speed, the meth, the cheese.
Pure veins, pure thoughts,
no more pure pollution,
no more chemicals rotting my brain.

I want hearty food with gravy,
a tall glass of milk,
a greeting from my dog at the door with a shoe in her mouth,
a hug from my grandmother.

But, when I visit my old home,
with strangers in the windows
and a new shade of green vinyl siding.

An addition in the back, a fence, the old oak tree no longer exists.
The gardens all bulldozed,
a deck overlooking the backyard,

Strange cars parked in the driveway,
an unkempt yard with leaves all over everything,
no candles in the windows, no wreaths on the doors,

I close my eyes and try to remember everything,
I try to forget what it all is now,
and I want to go back to when
everything made sense.

visions of my youth.
gin without vermouth
the forgotten truth.

11/06/2008

Author's Note: rough draft. been working on this for a while. going to be apart of of 'a series of epiphany's'. hopefully i can organize all these thoughts and put a meaningful prose together.

Posted on 11/06/2008
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