If I Could Be a Heterosexual

by Harold Millican

If I could be heterosexual

Maybe I would be

If I could really love a woman as my wife

It may suffice

So you’d rather me purport to love someone that I don’t

Just so that I could live a life telling a great big lie

There is one thing I can’t deny

I’m gay

But my love for a man is deemed impure

And all of you are sure that I’m only lusting

After him

Only wanting to score

I’m supposed to be an asexual nutcase

Only fit to better your lives

I’m just the gay decoration

The happy second class

I can plan your wedding but for me I’m out on my ass

I have to pretend at the job

To love Barbie not Bob

And be portrayed as a slob for wanting protection

I’m a bad influence but

I don’t have to wear a shirt saying

“Nothing Straight Allowed”

Just rolling under dirt

I don’t have the chance to have a happy home

So I’d much rather get stoned

And use the man’s happy drug

To pawn my life away

Today I went to see my partner

In the ward, but according to the ethics board

I don’t have the right

To hold him in the room

and tell him he’ll be alright

I’m so good

But after 40 years I’m still not good enough

To have all your human benefits and legal stuff

Because I’m the animal that seeks to destroy your bliss

And pollute your happiness

With my perversion, my agenda, my life

That you say doesn’t exist

And yet in your heart , you know it persists

To be

But I won’t go anywhere because I want you to stare

At the truth you can’t accept

The children you neglect

The deaths you spearhead all in the name of a Loving God

Despite all the horror

I came from “normal” sex

So why am not “normal” like you?

I think I am

You need to get over your shame

And see

That we aren’t all that different you and me

I hope you wake up from conservative slumber

After all this time, I don’t know what you’re saving

But I’m a man that is

Stark raving


At this bad karma and believe me

I won’t repress fighting for my

Right to have success

And if I’m guilty of anything

It’s the same as you

Of course that’s your version of equal

If I could be a heterosexual


Author's Note: Details a thought process in the eyes a gay man seeking respect in American society. This a repost for those who fail to visit the Rainbow Tapestry library.

Posted on 12/19/2007
Copyright © 2020 Harold Millican

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Frankie Sanchez on 08/28/08 at 07:11 PM

i am slowly becoming the asexual nutcase. =/

Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 09/22/08 at 04:41 PM

You've expressed your side of a very controversial issue well. There is another side which apparently you have rejected because of the unwarranted "gay bashing" in the past. The preamble to the US Consitution says that all men are created equal ... right to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness." Equal here has to mean "under the law". We are not all created equal as to intelligence, physical abilities and attractiveness, circumstances of birth. Well, you can take it from there... .

Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 04/15/13 at 01:36 PM

"But I won’t go anywhere because I want you to stare At the truth you can’t accept" - I like all of this, but these lines in particular. You have a knack for clear expression. Thank you.

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