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It began
by Paganini Jones
with a cat
softstepping
behind a bowl
of strawberries
with a tap
dripping in an outhouse
as the moon drifts,
shredding clouds
with a hint
of honeysuckle and fried food
scenting the end
of the day
with a man
removing his hat
as a woman
brews tea
with a flash
of red fire behind
closed eyelids
thumb-pressed
with a note
sounding from reeds
blowing back and forth
in the wind
with a touch
below her right shoulder blade
causing her
to glance back
or perhaps
it began
in some other insignificant
and small way
in a captured
and instantly lost
beat of a
butterfly's wing
10/24/2007 Author's Note:
Edited as Don suggested. What do you think? Does it sound unfinished? Or as it should be?
Posted on 10/24/2007
Copyright © 2024 Paganini Jones
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Jim Benz on 10/24/07 at 08:25 PM I don't precisely know what it looked like before, but I love the way it looks now, and especially like the way it builds to the final stanza (with all those withs.) Nice job Pags! |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 10/25/07 at 03:55 AM Totally breathtaking as I travel "with" you - the tension is just right and the possibilities these stanzas present make me beg for more!!! |
| Posted by Kathleen Wilson on 10/25/07 at 07:22 AM As it should be. Perfect. I love this too. |
| Posted by Joan Serratelli on 03/15/09 at 02:17 PM I love this piece "as is" It's beautifully written and just perfect! |
| Posted by Jo Halliday on 05/12/09 at 08:06 AM It's lovely, but I would have fallen in love with this one had you not had that last stanza at all :) |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 09/05/09 at 10:22 PM Congrats on POTD!
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| Posted by Alex Smyth on 09/06/09 at 03:11 AM Don't know what is missing with the edit, but this is beautifully perfect as is. Sounds like the start of a good movie. Congratulations on POTD! |
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