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This Was Not in My Plan
by Susan Q TomasNever in a million years, much less my life time, would I ever predict this day.
My little girl dreams were not of becoming a wife and mother.
Becoming a movie star, a horse breeder, or a nun. Those were my plans.
Then in college, I was to own a radio station. That was in my plan.
How did I end up married to you? I don't know. It was not part of my plan.
I had children with you, and we built a wonderful family together.
Someone else's plan, that brought me unexpected joy.
Purpose in life found in places I wasn't looking.
Now we meet at a Dallas court house to finalize our divorce.
I was to marry for life, grow old together, retire to Passagrille Beach.
But I only played a supporting role for you and our children.
Merely a sidekick in your life. This was not in my plan.
I hate divorce. Never thought I could survive one. Such a selfish, ungodly thing.
But I realized that my love for us could not sustain a marriage forever.
I focused too much on you and our sons, instead of something greater than us.
Dallas, divorce, heartbreak, poverty . . . this was not in my plan.
Why did I marry you? I don't know, but I did, and I am glad.
I wouldn't change much, maybe my passivity. I would never change you.
Why I am divorcing you? I don't know, but I am, and I am not glad.
This was not in my plan. But then, my whole life seems to be following another plan.
My plan didn't include our sons, but thank God His plan did.
My plan didn't include living far from loved ones, re-examining my faith,
learning about Judaism, becoming an exercise addict. Having no parents,
antidepressants, falling in love with someone I shouldn't. This was not in my plan.
But I have faith because I can not see the future, like others think they can.
I have love for God, for all His people, and I have courage.
I believe in the end, things will be more than OK for both of us.
We spent time planning and plotting our future. Today, was not in my plan. 08/12/2007 Author's Note: "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon.
Posted on 08/13/2007
Copyright © 2024 Susan Q Tomas
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Thomas Powers on 08/13/07 at 12:53 PM Thank you, Susan, for this dose of reality. Isn't life kind of a jigsaw puzzle often put together without the box cover to guide us? |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 08/13/07 at 03:54 PM This is so well written - I expected not to finish reading when I realized it was a divorce theme, but there is much more here of life, choices, un-plans, and your calm delivery makes me admire you and you show a strength and faith that will carry you to the next day. |
| Posted by Meghan Helmich on 08/08/08 at 08:02 PM i am not religious at all, but this is a great reminder that things can happen to bring that faith back. the faith that (almost?) all of us are born with. i'm glad you found yours despite the pain. and i hope your unknown plan is a pleasant one. |
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