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"He'll Never Know How Sorry I Am..."

by Amy Wustrin

I really try my damndest
But I fucked it up this time
Maybe I'm not who I thought I was
Sometimes my optimism blinds me
To the harsh truths of the matter

I wish I could turn back the clock
And just not do it
But I really thought
It was the right thing to do
I wish you understood that

I also wish you knew
That someone very unexpected
Showed me undue kindness
When I needed it the most
And you were busy hating me

But you'd never appreciate
The strange beauty of it
You would only see
The defiance of your wishes
And be angrier

So if you're gone, you're gone
I guess
Like the cat. Like the best friend that wasn't.
Like everything I ever tried to hold onto
But couldn't

And that's ok as long as you know
That I never would have survived it without you
That I will forever be grateful for the way you helped me
And that I will be here waiting
To make it up to you if I ever can

I just hope you don't hate me
Too much to call me if you need me

06/24/2007

Author's Note: Full Title: "He'll Never Know How Sorry I Am, But Only Because He Won't Let Me Tell Him"

Posted on 06/24/2007
Copyright © 2025 Amy Wustrin

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Genevieve Sturrock on 06/24/07 at 10:49 PM

it's sad to admit that i've been here before, that you are not alone in experiencing this. peace to you, babe.

Posted by Richard Fish on 09/14/08 at 05:21 PM

I really like this. It's sad, but I can relate. I'm really taken with the phrase "the best friend that wasn't" too. :)

Posted by Mo Couts on 06/01/11 at 07:11 PM

Been there, done that, but never as beautifully as you've expressed here in this work of art. awesome job, Amy.

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