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my love in late fall
by Jared Fladelandi.
she shimmers through the curtain of rain
like a faucet just rubbed down with ajax
or a lamborghini with a new coat of wax:
she makes meteorites out of sparkles,
and comets out of rain drops.
ii.
we fall like:
the smell of pumpkin pie.
dry, crisp air, not yet completely chilled by winter.
the brightness of orange and red completely saturated
with a few flecks of gold and brown
to complete the composition of paint colors.
(this is autumn,
or more specifically,
the leaves that we fall like)
iii.
even though under the bridge is mostly frozen over,
she still looks good in (or in this case, on) water. 11/07/2006 Author's Note: this is one of the more focused poems i've ever written.
Posted on 11/07/2006
Copyright © 2024 Jared Fladeland
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Leslie Ann Eisenberg on 11/07/06 at 07:05 AM great imagery, fine use of the senses. PK |
| Posted by Kyle Anne Kish on 11/11/06 at 06:59 PM Jared, your descriptive imagery sucked me in and I couldn't stop reading. Then I read it again ... then again. Oh my goodness, I like this poem. |
| Posted by Kathleen Wilson on 01/01/07 at 03:46 AM I love your metaphors. And the poem is poised, your perspective strong and visionary. Perfectly paced and the stanzas are just right. The progression from rain--to fall-- to ice--and yet ("she looks good..." wonderful. The casual speaking quality, yet heightened imagery is a wonderful combination. I just love the choice of images...really (I'm re-reading now, ...they are very cheerful and engaging--the "faucet just rubbed down with ajax" , the "lamborghini with a new coat of wax" hee hee and of course "the smell of pumpkin pie"--perfect for the season too... actually this is going in my favorites as I giggle! Very good ending, and the rhythms are good too! |
| Posted by Megan Guimbellot on 01/09/08 at 04:06 AM oh i dig this :) very very beautiful dear, it just pulls you right in |
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