'twas the night before Christmas-
or so they all say;
it could have been Kwanza,
a black holiday.
Or maybe Hanukah –
no one knew,
I saw no Muslims,
but I did see a Jew.

We all opened presents-
we each had our turn,
Rajhib got a rifle
and Jacob a churn.
For my lovely wife,
a book on fitness-
And for Joe...nothing,
he's a Jehovah’s Witness.

The Pope played Bingo
And the Methodists just ate,
The Baptists all sang
'round the ol' tithing plate.
The Protestants slept,
while Brother John spoke-
and Father Pat left
to have a little smoke.

Elders Jones and Smith,
bless their kind souls
discovered caffeine
and cinnamon rolls.
Old Rabbi Katz
And Rev. McDosher,
contested the theory
of what is still kosher.

Pastor Venus McFly
From the cult of St. Smiles
Made light of sinners
and poked fun at gentiles
while Thomas Cruise
on the subject of biology
swore by the book
of real Scientology.

L. Ron Hubbard
just sat for a spell-
chatting with Darwin
about life in Hell.
There is no Hell-
I heard one Anglican say,
there's only Heaven
and you all have to pay.

I queried the cost,
hoping I hadn't missed
adding my name
to the long waiting list.
My pockets were empty-
that much for sure
but I gambled my odds
on a heart that was pure.

And in the end
When the priests and scribes
danced on the tables
and gave piggyback rides
I took a step back
and said Happy Kwanz-anukah-mas-mahayana-ramanavami to all
and to all a goodnight.

08/26/2006

Posted on 08/26/2006
Copyright © 2026 Gregory R Schelske