Its been 5 years since I've seen your face.
I remember the days when I took your smile for granted.
Its been 5 years since you called me on the phone.
Some part of me is still waiting for your call.
Its been 5 years since I've heard your voice
"Oh, hello, its your old man calling."
Its been 5 years since you've checked in to see how I am.
Because you really care, and for no other reason.
Its been 5 years since I have sat next to you in your van,
driving through the Rocky Mountains or the hills of Pennsylvania.
Its been 5 years since I've had a pleasant conversation with you
drinking coffee at the kitchen table, or shooting pool.
Its been 5 years since I've come to you with an impassible problem
only to have your unbiased wisdom illuminate a way through.
Its been 5 years since I have learned the lesson
to spend my time wisely, because people you love do die.

Life pushes me forward through time, and away from you.
Sometimes, on certain days, it hits me hard that you are gone.
It impales my heart, I feel physical pain in my chest.
It brings me to my knees. I beat the ground and wail like a little child,
"I WANT MY DADDY!" Which shows these truths;
We are all partially little children no matter our age,
and all suffering is rooted in want.
Depression is a numbness. This shows I am not depressed.
I am not wilted. I am painfully alive.
I love you this much, that I feel this passion.
God blesses my sisters and me
by giving you to us and us to you.
I will always have you as my Dad.
No matter how long we are apart.

08/05/2002

Author's Note: It has been 9 years now. I am pushed further away from him every day.

Posted on 08/05/2006
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