Sometimes I want
a Clarence to show me
what it would be like
if I was never born.
'Cept the difference with me
and good ole George Bailey
would be that life would
pretty much be the same.

I don't think I ever saved my brother
from drowning
or my boss from going to jail.
Made sure a lady didn't turn into a spinster?
No...maybe I would be the cause of these
events
instead of the solutions.
That's what I think.

It's horrible
that sometimes I wonder what it would
be like to die now
just so I could see how people reacted
and if they were truly devastated.
It's terrible actually
and I can't believe I think that.

See with me
I've always been in the middle.
Try to see every perspective, it's good I swear...
but when I look at myself,
I can't.
I'm two extreme when reflecting my being.
I have this theory
that I'll be at some sort of peace
with myself
the day I can
regard "me" in the middle sense.
Maybe that will be the day
all the stupid inner conflicts end
...for a good amount of time at least.
Until then,
I dream of an angel
giving me strength,
reassuring me that since I'm here
the world will be a better place.

Who knows if that's really true,
but I'm starting to believe
that my existence
wasn't entirely predestined.
I can make a difference
if I try ...right?

03/31/2006

Author's Note: I don't know -shrugs-

Posted on 04/01/2006
Copyright © 2024 Rebecca Lin