Dear Friend:

Ya know what, sweetie?
You won.
The game is no
longer a game.
It's not in check
or checkmate.
It's simply a stalemate.

That's okay though.

You see, the hot blisters
your words brought to
my eyes have not been
squelched, despite the
bottle of wine I have
drunk.

I took the game too
far. I apologize.
It was wrong of me.

Wine is good to drink
when the sunshine
in one's mind will not
stop shining long
enough for them
to sleep.

Wine is not good to drink
when the sunshine in
one's mind keeps
their mind thinking,
and sad, and determined
to pretend all is okay.

I was oh-so-wrong.
When trouble hit,
I reached out to
a wonderful Friend
... you ... for help.

You offered me a
lifeline, and I thought
I grabbed onto it ....
BUT ... I have this
terrible, awful habit
of looking for lifelines
to grab onto and then
retreating. I am not
good at actually
accepting help
... especially when
there may be actual
understanding along
with that help.

I want to always show
the world that everything
is fine. In times of
of madness, I need
to show others that
all in the World-of-
Herself, is okay.

So, I will scourge the heat
from my eyes and come
on Friday. However,
please do not expect
miracles of me. Truth
be told, I've never been
able to perfect miracles.

As a matter of fact, if
I can just hold onto
you and cry until
my eye-makeup
runs into rivulets
down my cheeks
... I will be eternally
grateful.

I am so close to
the edge of some
stupid fucking
precipise that I
don't even care
anymore. I just want
to be with someone
who understands,
I do not want advice.
I need someone who will
laugh about my
craziness even
while I am crying,
someone with whom
I can make fun of
myself, while
trying to make
sense of whatever
it is inside me that
is breaking into
60 billion pieces
of something which
feels like paralyzed
dreams which will
never turn into
happiness.

I choose you.
You are the
best of the best.
I know that.

Please forgive
my game playing.
Please forgive
anything I may
ever in my life have
done which may
have hurt you.

None of what
has happened
was ever intended
.... except for the
friendship part,
of course.

Please be ready
to give me the
biggest hug ever
when I walk in
your door.

It will surely bring
on more tears
than have ever
fallen, and, I
think, if my tears
merge with yours,
we will develop
a gorge, a waterfall,
something quite
salty but very
worthy of what
we make it.

Until Friday, my most beautiful Friend,
Herself

I am sending this to you on the few snowflakes hovering outside my window. They wait for the breeze to blow your way.

03/03/2006

Author's Note: Writing this in conjunction with Friend.

Posted on 03/03/2006
Copyright © 2025 Kyle Anne Kish