Charlie Sinclair and the Famous Jelly-Roll by Rusty C Arquette
There were only about
three kids at Bedford High
who would give me the time of day
Charlie Sinclair was one of them
he was a rotund, doughy character
with dull brown hair
a spattering of zits
and an all knowing grin
I knew from our first meeting
that he had a penchant for mischief
and we would be the best of friends
Charlie and I were in several
of the same classes together
one of which was our PE class
because we were both poor examples
of the male of the species
we were teamed together
by our gym coach
[a bald as a billiard ball,
ex-military type,
who was heavy into sweat
and humiliation]
a junior nazis we all sneeringly
referred to as Skinhead McManus
we all wondered just how it was
that someone so dull
could be such a prick!
he hated us for our lack of discipline
and we hated him for his misguided
use of P.O.W. discipline
we were poster kids
for youthful confrontation
versus adult insanity
waiting to show our ugly butts
at every opportunity
we were good kids, really,
and tried to comply with the norm
Charlie and I would follow the herd
of jock strap clad teens around
the obstacle course that was our gym
huffing and puffing while keeping
our tired eyes focused on the clock
waiting for another day of torture to pass
it finally got to the point
where we watched the coach
to see if he was looking
when he wasnt wed skip the parallel bars
or wed go around the guys on the pummel
or fake the sit-ups on the mats
counting them off by fives
and then hurriedly move on
if you were moving you were safe
slow down and hed nail us every time
on such occasions the rest of the class
would be invited to sit and watch us
go through the routine
by ourselves
of course we never made it
they didnt expect us to
it was just great sport on the part
of all the physically inclined
to sit at coachs direction and laugh at us
[hey,
wasnt high school great?
]
we got to the point where
we started cutting class
to avoid the next chapter
of Skinhead McManuss inquisition
but that didnt last either
we were called before the Junior Class
Assistant Principal and told to knock it off
or they would flunk us both
[as if that wasnt already happening!]
so we let them bully us
and went back to showing up
for PE and our daily dose of abuse
our finest moment
came during a tumbling session
Chuck and I couldnt do anything right
in the areas of basketball, volleyball,
or the obstacle course in the gym
there had to be a niche for we misfits
something even we two zeros
could muster enough sweat
to make it at least look like we were trying
it turned out to be tumbling
oh, we werent really very good,
but that was the beauty of tumbling
you didnt have to be good
you just had to go through the motions
acting focused
as if you really cared
we were naturals at acting focused
our intensity overwhelmed
where our tumbling failed
we interspersed our own witty moves
with the easier class routines
appearing like some circus act
from a Fellini movie
we laughingly called ourselves
The Flying Zuchinni Brothers
at best we were awful,
creative in a warped sort of way,
but nonetheless awful
it was the end of the semester
just prior to Christmas break
I was just biding my time in school
I was going to New Jersey
to meet up with my mom
and my younger brother
she had decided to move back to Florida
I wasnt doing well living with
my older brother
he tried, but he wasnt ready
to attempt raising a teenaged brother
the end of the semester
brought testing
PE had a test I needed to pass
it was on the tumbling moves
wed been practicing for the last six weeks
since I was gone in a couple days
I didnt let it phase me
I stunk at school from the start
so why change things now?
the day came and as usual
the mats were laid out on the gym floor
each mat had a team of two contestants
we knobby kneed warriors stood waiting
clad in smelly gym shorts,
shirt, and sneakers
.
Charlie and I were the last team to test
[Ranked by our proficiency, no doubt!]
the rest of the class sat or stood watching
Skinhead gave us the go ahead
and we went into our spastic routine
a series of flips, flops, slams,
and balancing routines
that seemed to drag on for a lifetime
played out to the sound
of a room full of smart-ass guys
chuckling and making snide comments
under their hissing breath
we both stopped
wobbling around on rubbery, over taxed legs
wheezing from the exertion of our antics
waiting for the coachs response
he stood, feet apart, whistle around his neck,
writing notes on his clipboard
when he looked up, he barked,
okay, you two clowns
are both looking at an F in this class
unless you pull a rabbit out of a hat!
what Skinhead was talking about
was our one elective last pass on the mats
like those who had come before us
we had one last routine, our choice,
our very best move, to dazzle the coach
I looked at Charlie and frowned
we didnt have a final move,
he knew it and I knew it,
but the coach didnt
the coach was waiting for us to move
Charlie grinned that stupid grin
and stepped forward
whats it gonna be Sinclair?
growled the bald headed dictator
free form! yelled Charlie
what the hell is that Sinclair? snapped coach,
a roll sir, like this
answered Chuck,
at which point he stepped back
threw his hands over his head
dropped them to his sides and ran
headlong past me toward the mat
at the end of the mat he threw himself down
with his arms outstretched and toes pointed
and rolled like some lumpy garden hose
the length of the mat
at the other end he jumped up
and looked to me to join him
so I jumped in to do our often
rehearsed Zuchinni Brothers closing
the two of us, in unison,
leapt up with a flurry of hands,
then dropping to one knee,
with one hand in the air,
slapped our knees and then elbows
quickly jumped back up
and bowed to each other
and to the assembled group,
finishing with a wide gesture of open arms
hell, we looked like one of those
crazy European acts
youd see on the Ed Sullivan Show
the guys were all laughing
and trying to hold their composure
at the insanity of the routine
they also looked to coach to see what
his response was going to be
he stood quiet and frowning
finally he growled maliciously,
just what the hell do you call THAT Sinclair?!
without missing a beat,
Chuck yelled back
Its a roll, sir, a
Jelly Roll!
well the place went nuts
everyone hooted and howled
over Charlies Jelly Roll innovation
even the coach broke a smile
when things quieted
Skinhead said, it wasnt kosher Sinclair,
not one of the assigned routines
but
Ill have to give you an A for creativity
and another A for form
I cant question
your form, because I have nothing
to compare it to!
we both stood there amazed
we thought wed be eaten alive,
but nope, there actually was a human
being inside that ugly shell
he added, lets just hope
it doesnt show up at the next Olympics!
more laughter
coach made a funny!
It was a damn red letter day all around
But that wasnt the funny part to this tale
I came in late to PE on the following Monday
Charlie had been elevated to celebrity status
all those cretins that had ridiculed us
for our lousy ability had suddenly seen
Charlies worth
I knew something was up when I walked in
everyone was in teams,
standing at their mat
no one ever did this without being
whistled into place by the coach
Charlie called me over, grinning,
Watch this, man! he chuckled
in walked Skinhead
fresh from the weekend,
having forgotten the tumbling trials
of the Friday before
he was momentarily distracted
some lofty coach stuff on his mind
all was quiet in the gym
the door slammed behind him
echoing off the bare walls and floor
his teachers sense warned him
the quiet meant something was amiss
he stopped and turned to see the group
all at attention with big silly grins
.
Charlie stepped forward and yelled,
gentlemen, to your mats!
the assembled all moved to position
when all was quiet again
Charlie bellowed,
gentlemen, commence tumble!
at which point about thirty guys
ran up to the mat, flopped down,
rolled the length of the mat,
and jumped to their feet
next! barked Charlie
and their partners all did the same
at the end of their roll
they joined their mat-mates
and floundered through
the Zucchini Brothers routine
it again became quiet
a few chuckles were heard
McManus stepped forward
his hands on his hips
he smiled broadly and looked at Charlie
what was that supposed to be, Sinclair?
Charlie quickly turned
he hollered out, gentlemen?
the group responded
its the JELLY ROLL, sir!
when the laughter died down
Skinhead grinned and barked,
okay GENTLEMEN, take a lap!
.
and this time they did
.
with a smile on their face
years have passed
yet every time I bite into
a Jelly Donut or a Jelly Roll
I have to wonder what happened
to that irrepressible Mr. Sinclair?
05/12/2004 Author's Note: One of those situations in which you 'turn lemons into lemonaid' (chuckle) - I wonder what Charlie is doing today?...
Posted on 02/25/2006 Copyright © 2024 Rusty C Arquette
Member Comments on this Poem |
Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 02/26/06 at 01:44 AM I can hear the echo of Mr. Barner, "O'Neill, you have more excuses than Carter has little liver pills"....RCat, you and I were in the same class, just different states! Nice, nice, write! |
Posted by Anne Engelen on 02/26/06 at 09:25 AM How I love to read your stories. Somehow they give me a "The Waltons" feeling. I truly could see your life being turned into a film and I would be a fan of the series. |
Posted by Charles E Minshall on 02/27/06 at 02:39 PM Funtastic Rusty. I like the way you write....Charlie |
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 02/27/06 at 05:52 PM Great story piece Rusty. Reminds me of the teachers in my own life, and the impact, good...bad...neither, they had on me. Where are they now? Not so surprisingly, some of them turn up on news interviews as principles. Still others I had a chance to see again at a high school reunion in 1998. Cheers! |
Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 03/04/06 at 02:19 AM Another delightfully descriptive narrative poem. You just keep them coming! LOL!! |
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