Home  

Charlie Sinclair and the Famous Jelly-Roll

by Rusty C Arquette

Photobucket


There were only about
three kids at Bedford High
who would give me the time of day…
Charlie Sinclair was one of them…

he was a rotund, doughy character
with dull brown hair
a spattering of zits
and an all knowing grin…
I knew from our first meeting
that he had a penchant for mischief
and we would be the best of friends…

Charlie and I were in several
of the same classes together…
one of which was our PE class…
because we were both poor examples
of the male of the species
we were teamed together
by our gym coach
     [a bald as a billiard ball, 
       ex-military type,
       who was heavy into sweat
       and humiliation]
a junior nazis we all sneeringly  
referred to as ‘Skinhead McManus’…
we all wondered just how it was 
that someone so dull
could be such a prick!…
he hated us for our lack of discipline
and we hated him for his misguided
use of P.O.W. discipline…
we were poster kids 
for youthful confrontation
versus adult insanity
waiting to show our ugly butts
at every opportunity…

we were good kids, really,
and tried to comply with ‘the norm’…
Charlie and I would follow the herd
of jock strap clad teens around
the obstacle course that was our gym…
huffing and puffing while keeping
our tired eyes focused on the clock…
waiting for another day of torture to pass…

it finally got to the point
where we watched the coach
to see if he was looking…
when he wasn’t we’d skip the parallel bars…
or we’d go around the guys on the pummel…
or fake the sit-ups on the mats
counting them off by fives
and then hurriedly move on…
if you were moving you were safe…
slow down and he’d nail us every time…

on such occasions the rest of the class
would be invited to sit and watch us
go through the routine
by ourselves…
of course we never made it…
they didn’t expect us to…
it was just great sport on the part
of all the physically inclined 
to sit at coach’s direction and laugh at us…
     [hey, 
      wasn’t high school great?…]

we got to the point where
we started cutting class
to avoid the next chapter
of Skinhead McManus’s inquisition…
but that didn’t last either…
we were called before the Junior Class
Assistant Principal and told to ‘knock it off’…
or they would flunk us both
     [as if that wasn’t already happening!]
so we let them bully us
and went back to showing up
for PE and our daily dose of abuse…

our finest moment
came during a ‘tumbling’ session…

Chuck and I couldn’t do anything right
in the areas of basketball, volleyball,
or the obstacle course in the gym…
there had to be a niche for we misfits…
something even we two zeros 
could muster enough sweat
to make it at least look like we were trying…
it turned out to be tumbling…

oh, we weren’t really very good,
but that was the beauty of tumbling…
you didn’t have to be good…
you just had to go through the motions…
acting focused
as if you really cared…
we were naturals at acting focused…
our intensity overwhelmed
where our tumbling failed…
we interspersed our own witty moves
with the easier class routines…
appearing like some circus act
from a Fellini movie…
we laughingly called ourselves
‘The Flying Zuchinni Brothers’…
at best we were awful, 
creative in a warped sort of way, 
but nonetheless awful…

it was the end of the semester
just prior to Christmas break…
I was just biding my time in school…
I was going to New Jersey
to meet up with my mom 
and my younger brother…
she had decided to move  back to Florida…
I wasn’t doing well living with
my older brother…
he tried, but he wasn’t ready 
to attempt raising a teenaged brother…

the end of the semester
brought testing…
PE had a test I needed to pass…
it was on the tumbling moves
we’d been practicing for the last six weeks…
since I was gone in a couple days
I didn’t let it phase me…
I stunk at school from the start…
so why change things now?…

the day came and as usual
the mats were laid out on the gym floor…
each mat had a team of two contestants…
we knobby kneed warriors stood waiting…
clad in smelly gym shorts, 
shirt, and sneakers….
Charlie and I were the last team to test…
    [Ranked by our proficiency, no doubt!]

the rest of the class sat or stood watching…
Skinhead gave us the go ahead
and we went into our spastic routine…
a series of flips, flops, slams,
and balancing routines
that seemed to drag on for a lifetime
played out to the sound
of a room full of smart-ass guys
chuckling and making snide comments
under their hissing breath…

we both stopped…
wobbling around on rubbery, over taxed legs…
wheezing from the exertion of our antics…
waiting for the coach’s response…
he stood, feet apart, whistle around his neck,
writing notes on his clipboard…
when he looked up, he barked,
‘okay, you two clowns
are both looking at an ‘F’ in this class
unless you pull a rabbit out of a hat!’…

what Skinhead was talking about
was our one ‘elective’ last pass on the mats…
like those who had come before us…
we had one last routine, our choice,
our very best move, to dazzle the coach…
I looked at Charlie and frowned…
we didn’t have a final move,
he knew it and I knew it,
but the coach didn’t…
the coach was waiting for us to move…
Charlie grinned that stupid grin
and stepped forward…
‘what’s it gonna’ be Sinclair?’
growled the bald headed dictator…

‘free form!’ yelled Charlie…
‘what the hell is that Sinclair?’ snapped coach,
‘a roll sir, like this…’ answered Chuck,
at which point he stepped back…
threw his hands over his head…
dropped them to his sides and ran
headlong past me toward the mat…
at the end of the mat he threw himself down
with his arms outstretched and toes pointed
and rolled like some lumpy garden hose
the length of the mat…
at the other end he jumped up
and looked to me to join him…
so I jumped in to do our often
rehearsed Zuchinni Brothers closing…

the two of us, in unison,
leapt up with a flurry of hands,
then dropping to one knee, 
with one hand in the air,
slapped our knees and then elbows…
quickly jumped back up 
and bowed to each other
and to the assembled group, 
finishing with a wide gesture of open arms…
hell, we looked like one of those
crazy European acts 
you’d see on the Ed Sullivan Show…

the guys were all laughing
and trying to hold their composure 
at the insanity of the routine…
they also looked to coach to see what
his response was going to be…
he stood quiet and frowning…

finally he growled maliciously,
‘just what the hell do you call THAT Sinclair?!’

without missing a beat,
Chuck yelled back…
‘It’s a roll, sir, a…Jelly Roll!’

well the place went nuts…
everyone hooted and howled
over Charlie’s ‘Jelly Roll’ innovation…
even the coach broke a smile…
when things quieted
Skinhead said, ‘it wasn’t kosher Sinclair,
not one of the assigned routines…but
I’ll have to give you an ‘A’ for creativity
and another ‘A’ for form…I can’t question
your form, because I have nothing 
to compare it to!’
we both stood there amazed…
we thought we’d be eaten alive,
but nope, there actually was a human
being inside that ugly shell…

he added, ‘let’s just hope
it doesn’t show up at the next Olympics!’
more laughter…
coach made a funny!
It was a damn red letter day all around…

But that wasn’t the funny part to this tale…

I came in late to PE on the following Monday…
Charlie had been elevated to celebrity status…
all those cretins that had ridiculed us
for our lousy ability had suddenly seen
Charlie’s worth…
I knew something was up when I walked in…
everyone was in teams, 
standing at their mat…
no one ever did this without being 
whistled into place by the coach…

Charlie called me over, grinning,
‘Watch this, man!’ he chuckled…

in walked Skinhead
fresh from the weekend,
having forgotten the tumbling trials
of the Friday before…
he was momentarily distracted…
some lofty coach stuff on his mind…
all was quiet in the gym…
the door slammed behind him
echoing off the bare walls and floor…

his teacher’s sense warned him…
the quiet meant something was amiss…
he stopped and turned to see the group
all at attention with big silly grins….

Charlie stepped forward and yelled,
‘gentlemen, to your mats!’…
the assembled all moved to position…
when all was quiet again
Charlie bellowed,
‘gentlemen, commence tumble!’
at which point about thirty guys
ran up to the mat, flopped down,
rolled the length of the mat,
and jumped to their feet…
‘next!’ barked Charlie…
and their partners all did the same…
at the end of their ‘roll’
they joined their mat-mates
and floundered through
the Zucchini Brothers routine…
it again became quiet…
a few chuckles were heard…

McManus stepped forward…
his hands on his hips…
he smiled broadly and looked at Charlie…
‘what was that supposed to be, Sinclair?’ 
Charlie quickly turned…
he hollered out, ‘gentlemen?’…
the group responded…
‘it’s the JELLY ROLL, sir!’
when the laughter died down
Skinhead grinned and barked,
‘okay GENTLEMEN, take a lap!….
and this time they did….
with a smile on their face…

years have passed…
yet every time I bite into
a Jelly Donut or a Jelly Roll…
I have to wonder what happened
to that irrepressible Mr. Sinclair?…

05/12/2004

Author's Note: One of those situations in which you 'turn lemons into lemonaid' (chuckle) - I wonder what Charlie is doing today?...

Posted on 02/25/2006
Copyright © 2024 Rusty C Arquette

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 02/26/06 at 01:44 AM

I can hear the echo of Mr. Barner, "O'Neill, you have more excuses than Carter has little liver pills"....RCat, you and I were in the same class, just different states! Nice, nice, write!

Posted by Anne Engelen on 02/26/06 at 09:25 AM

How I love to read your stories. Somehow they give me a "The Waltons" feeling. I truly could see your life being turned into a film and I would be a fan of the series.

Posted by Charles E Minshall on 02/27/06 at 02:39 PM

Funtastic Rusty. I like the way you write....Charlie

Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 02/27/06 at 05:52 PM

Great story piece Rusty. Reminds me of the teachers in my own life, and the impact, good...bad...neither, they had on me. Where are they now? Not so surprisingly, some of them turn up on news interviews as principles. Still others I had a chance to see again at a high school reunion in 1998. Cheers!

Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 03/04/06 at 02:19 AM

Another delightfully descriptive narrative poem. You just keep them coming! LOL!!

Return to the Previous Page
 

pathetic.org Version 7.3.2 May 2004 Terms and Conditions of Use 0 member(s) and 2 visitor(s) online
All works Copyright © 2024 their respective authors. Page Generated In 0 Second(s)