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The Tamponed Man

by Chris Sorrenti


once a month the mailman delivers
the flashy samples feel good in hand
could Canada Post be telling me something?
as I stare in bewilderment at my crotch

a growing collection hidden behind the Tupperware
no wife or girlfriend to share them with
when mother and sister come to dine
they leave with 'two' doggy bags

if I see one more minipad commercial
I may have to get a sex change!

 photo tamponedmnRED_zps0ddae560.jpg

© 1994
Artwork © 1997 Otto Graser

1,600 hits as of March 2024


12/01/2005

Author's Note: Published (along with other poems) in the chap booklet, Pillow Poems, Chris Sorrenti, Ottawa, Canada. Produced by Otto Graser, Arlington Books, Ottawa, Canada (1997). ISSN 0835-362X

Posted on 12/01/2005
Copyright © 2024 Chris Sorrenti

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Maureen Glaude on 12/01/05 at 07:52 PM

what, no menopause yet, since I first read this poem? It saves a lot of money when that happens. Always been one of my favourite poems of yours.

Posted by Terry Olynik on 12/01/05 at 08:34 PM

As a Canada Post mailman - let me tell you, this is no laughing matter. Got caught in a torrential downpour with a bag full of these. My mailbag swelled up to the size of a Volkswagon and weighed six hundred pounds. Had to be rescued from underneath it with a car jack & the jaws of life.

Posted by Gregory O'Neill on 12/02/05 at 01:23 AM

Chris, you make me thankful for all the wonderful uses for poetry. Cheers!

Posted by Katerina T Nix on 12/02/05 at 01:29 AM

I combination of this poem and Terry Olynik's comment made me laugh my ass off. Thanks for a great read on the first poem I've read on this site in ages! Kat :)

Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 12/03/05 at 02:32 AM

LOL!! Very funny! I know the feeling! (Related somewhat-- I get all of these sex enhancement ads. Being widowed and in my early seventies I just ain't interested!)

Posted by Mary Ellen Smith on 12/03/05 at 08:52 AM

LOL....great humor here! Love the way it is "delivered".

Posted by Delilah Coyne on 12/03/05 at 11:10 PM

Very humorous!! I enjoyed reading this very much!

Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 12/05/05 at 07:12 AM

hahaha! you know... from time to time i think the same thing...

Posted by Ginette T Belle on 12/05/05 at 11:07 PM

quite humourous...very well written

Posted by Junemarie Roldan on 07/06/06 at 10:39 PM

This reminds me of a long ago time, when my dad babysat for me. Suddenly my son started to shriek in a decibel that would burst lightbulbs. My dad frantically looked around for anything to distract him, and grabbed up a slightly used tampon without any stain, that I had earlier placed in the garbage. He then bent down in front of my still screaming son and merrily proceeded to toot on it, which indeed created the distraction he was looking for. When I at last returned home, he proceeded to tell me of his ingenuity in distracting my son. I blanched, while wondering how he could not know what such an item was. Finally I told him just what it was that he had tooted on, and I won't even tell you how he reacted. Suffice it to say it wasn't pretty. My father has since died, and although this isn't the kind of memory that most would choose to pull up to remember a loved one, When I remembered the look on his face, it still made me laugh like a hyena. Thanks for the humorous write and the memory.

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