you think that you had it
all figured out?
pssht... you don't know whether
you're coming or going!
you sit there with your head in the clouds,
not knowing what you want to do with yourself,
not knowing where you want to go in life,
and not having the slightest notion
what you you're doing from day to day,
let alone the future

i know, i know,
you've made your mistakes;
that's fine
no one is above screwing up
i've made my mistakes too
i don't fault you for any of th-

no, wait,
i do

just one

you lied

yes, i said it

you LIED.

to me, of all people
someone who you were
intimately involved with for
over a year
someone who you professed
your undying love to
someone who was more than
willing to take that leap of faith
that is marriage,
with you,
with you...

i was willing to do so much
for you
i was willing to move to a strange place
for you
i was willing to treat your two kids as my own
for you
i was willing to put my dreams of finishing college on hold
for you
hell,
i was even willing to fight for you, live for you,
and possibly even die for you overseas in a FUCKING war,
FOR YOU!!!
and how do you repay what i was willing to do?

by being unwilling

by being unable

by being scared,
scared of what the future may bring
scared of possibly being
too young to get married
scared of the possibility
that we could bring another child
into the world and our love may not work
scared of what would happen if
i were to go overseas again and not come
back
you were afraid of what could happen
i was afraid of what could happen

possibly more afraid than
you, because i knew that so much
of what i wanted out of our relationship
was riding on me, and what would happen "if"...
but i was willing,
more than willing,

i was ready to face any and
all challenges life would have thrown
at us, if it meant
that there
would be any
chance for there to
be an
"us"

you said you weren't ready
and that you would more than likely
live to regret that day,
the day that you left me
because you said that for the
first time in your life, you met a
man who did everything RIGHT,
and that it would be almost certainly
be impossible to have such
good fortune smile upon you
like that again
you wanted time to yourself
because you were afraid that
you may cheat,
because of the fact that you had been in
so many relationships that didn't work
and you never really had a chance to
be single
and with that, our relationship
breathed it's last

surprisingly, i took our breakup
in stride
i was hurt
i cried
but i never lost sight
of the promise that i made
the last time i saw you in
person:
"i will never stop being your friend
and as long as you don't give me a reason,
to think otherwise,
i will always trust you."

three months later,
i called you,
just like i normally do
checking on you and the kids
imagine my shock when you said
that you had met another man...

"really?"

and that you were pregnant with his child...

"really."

and that he was overseas with the army
as a medic...

"you've got to be shitting me..."

and that you weren't getting marr-

i hung up the phone,
not out of anger,
but with a clear sense of closure
i said to you that,
"i will never stop being your friend
and as long as you don't give me a reason,
to think otherwise,
i will always trust you."
i fulfilled my end
i stayed on your side even
after we weren't together
through everything,
i was on your side
until you went against
everything you gave me
as a fear of yours and
you lied
not maliciously or
with intent to hurt anyone
but you lied all the same,
not only me but yourself
in the process
that gave me a reason
you gave me that reason
you gave me that reason the second
you put yourself in a situation
that not only was alot like one you
ran from, but was
even less stable
even less secure,
even more scary

i thought you were smarter than that!

stupid, stupid girl...

06/29/2005

Author's Note: this one is about my ex fiancee, not the girl who is the subject of many of my other poems and writings out there. i know that this sounds kinda harsh, but fuck it, it was one of those things. nothing really to say about this, other than it's a little long, but i was telling a story...

Posted on 06/29/2005
Copyright © 2025 Marcus Jones