I said I would never do it again.
At least not until I were married.
I made a promise to God and to myself.
A promise I vowed never to forsake.

My path had changed and so had
I along with my ways. I no longer
lived the life I once did.

It had been years since I let a man
touch me. Invade those precious
inches of personal space. Years
since I had given into pleasure.

But oh how easy it was to slip into
those old pair of shoes. Comfy.
Very familiar. Already broken in.
I thought I had thrown them out with
the past, instead I just buried them
in my closet. Waiting for them to
re-emerge in my life. A different life.

All the red flags were there. Trying
to warn me of impending doom. But I
was determined to turn my ankle on
this one. He said it was a natural
progression. Sex that is. That of
course he was going to try, because
well ~ I was attractive and he a man.

He succeeded. Once again those shoes
carried me into oblivion. Not caring
where I ended up. Only walking in
the moment. Headed for my sinful fall.

And fall I did.

I broke my promise to God that day.
It took a few more weeks for me to
realize that those shoes were dirty ~
full of secrets ~ before I actually
stopped wearing them.

I always hated that pair of shoes.
Funny, I still have them though.
I suppose they are a reminder of
my past regrets. I don't ever get
them out anymore. Those sinful shoes.
I wish I could just throw them away.
Let them go. But I can't.

I've asked forgiveness from God. And
I know in my heart that I have received
it. I have faced the shame. Embraced it.

There are some moments when you take
a deep breath ~ step back ~ look upon
your life and wonder...

How did I get where I am?
Then I remember that pair of shoes.
And walk on.

06/20/2005

Posted on 06/21/2005
Copyright © 2026 Shonda Chrissonberry