Got my pole and went a-fishin’ the other day,
In an old tobacco pond about a mile away.
Just to drown a few worms and enjoy the sun
And avoid the rat race they make us run.
When up pops this character from outa the blue,
Said, “Freddie boy, I got a deal for you”.

“Lou S. Saffeir”, he said was his name.
“And buyin’ up souls is my claim to fame.”
Then he shook my hand, his was sweaty and hot,
And he smiled like a salesman on a used car lot.
At first I thought this yahoo was just a joke,
But I noticed that his cologne smelled a lot like smoke.

“I’m here to make a deal, for you a pure delight.
So you can come on down, ‘cause the price is right.
Fred, you don’t look too stupid, so I’m sure you’re aware,
That I’m in competition with that man up there.
I know eternal life is what he’s always flaunted.
But I can give you everything you ever wanted.”

“Riches, women, power…don’t that have a good ring?
In exchange for your soul; why it’s really no big thing.
And when you come down later, you will see
That you’ll be in the presence of good company.
This I’ll tell you now, for whatever it’s worth
I’ve got every lawyer that’s ever walked the earth.”

“And to assure that you’ll socialize with the best,
I’ve got every agent in the IRS.
Plus them self righteous preachers that you see on TV,
Sayin’ “I’ll pray for you, but send your money to me.”
While they carry on like they don’t feel no shame;
All drippin’ with riches and lustin’ for fame.”

“With their mansions and their lands in vast amounts,
And a-rolling in their million dollar bank accounts.
Like Jimmy and Oral and that PTL guy Jim.
Plus that crazy made-up wife who spent the money with him.
And when their time comes, I’m willing to bet
I know where they’re goin’—it’s just that they don’t know yet.”

“There’s politicians galore. In their finest hour
They’ve sold their souls for recognition and power.
And the ‘crème de la crème’, (that’s why I’m so chipper)
I’ve even got Slick Willie, (you know he’s had that problem with his zipper)
They’ll all be down there, and I just named a few.
‘cause you know ‘Old Nick’ has took an interest in you.”

Then he waved his arms, “For you, a special treat”
And a chest of gold appeared right at my feet.
“I appreciate the offer, but don’t you see,
When the tax man digs in, he’ll leave nothin’ for me”
He looked at me strangely, said “this won’t due.”
“Freddie boy, I got just the thing for you.”

He handed me a catalog, with his dark red hand.
There was a woman in that book from almost every land.
He said, “Take your pick Freddie, you can even take two.
Whatever it takes to close this deal with you.”
Now a girl on each arm, that’s a pleasant thought.
But I knew what kind of trouble that would’ve wrought.

“Well thank you Mr. Satan, but I must refuse.
For there’s no one in there that I want to chose.
So take your old catalog, all steamy and hot.
I got something better; this don’t impress me a lot.
Now she’s an older model, that’s for sure.
Plus there’s days that her temper is pretty hard to endure."

"But she’s always stuck beside me, no matter how bad
The situation got, or the problems we had.
She taught me a lot of stuff, I never knew before.
And she never thought of quittin’ it hittin’ the door.
So please Mr. Devil, don’t get mad,
It’s just you ain’t got nothin’ to entice this lad."

Well; he clinched his fists, and mumbled to his self,
Then said, “I still got one more thing on the shelf.”
He waved his hand, and the lightning tore
While he uttered incantations from Egyptian lore.
With a dose of flame and some smoke, my friends;
There sat a brand new Mercedes Benz.

My mouth dropped open, boy, I was mute,
For I saw it was a convertible to boot.
With a four-on-the-floor, oh, it looked so fine,
I knew I was gonna’ sign on that dotted line.
“One more thing”, I said, “to complete this deal,
I don’t like the color of this automobile.”

Old Devil, he just smiled, he knew he just got through.
“Red, Silver, Black, what ever color for you”
I said, “The color Fuchsia is a favorite of mine.
With gold plated trimming, and that would do just fine”
He ripped off his horns and threw them on the ground
Then he rambled to himself, as he spun himself around.

Then his eyes turned red, he started pullin’ out his hair.
He was throwing such a tantrum; it was really hard to bear.
Screaming right out loud, he made a horrid sound.
His feet, they were a kickin’ and his fists begun to pound.
When he finally got up, he said,” SWEET JESUS, give me a break.
I’ve had my fill of your ignorance; it’s more than I can take”

“A FUCHSIA Mercedes, I should give to you?
There are some stupid things even the devil won’t do.
What an UGLY color for a Mercedes Benz.
That’s one means that doesn’t justify the ends.
To think I’d had your soul to broil and singe.
But I begin to think that you’re some lunatic fringe”

“You dumb idiot, this conversation’s through.
And I hope I never meet another dumb plow boy like you.
You’ve tried my patience to the ninth-degree.
You slow minded redneck, get away from me.
You go on to heaven, for all I care.
No one wants your stupid country ass down there.”

With a wave of his arms, more smoke and flame,
And Old Nick disappeared, just the was he came.
When the smoke had cleared, I had kept my soul.
There was just me, and it, and my fishing pole.
Well, I’ll sure miss that Mercedes, but it’s just as well,
Cause I would’ a drove that Benz straight down to hell.

The hereafter don’t scare me, quite like it used to.
Cause I think my future is lined with heavenly blue.
I know I ain’t much to brag about, but this I can say,
I’m so aggravating; I REALLY pissed off the Devil one day.

04/11/2003

Posted on 04/11/2005
Copyright © 2024 Fredrich Mohre