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patterns of precipitation
by John Ilotanthese feelings fall like rain
wind driven and wet
swept
from bloated grey leaded clouds
in cycles that I can't control
the barometers falling and I'm in for storm
a deluge
that will breach the sandbags
I have carefully stacked
around me
the past puddles around my feet
standing toe to toe
with a reflection of myself
there is no one left to fight
but me
your umbrella
can't help me now 09/30/2004 Posted on 09/30/2004
Copyright © 2024 John Ilotan
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Ashok Sharda on 10/01/04 at 03:53 PM Yes,'with a reflection of myself
there is no one left to fight
but me'...here starts the real battle, a conflict which will help you attain inner oneness.
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| Posted by Michelle Angelini on 10/01/04 at 05:28 PM I agree with Ashok - inner conflict is the hardest, but helps you attain what you need. I enjoyed this poem, because I've been at battle with myself and have recently resolved the conflict, although some vestiges will take more time to go away. At first I thought some punctuation might be good, but on further reads, the form and line breaks suggest the punctuation. This is the first time I've read your poetry, but I'll be sure to read more, as you express emotions and sentiments in a very subtle but clear way. Good work! |
| Posted by A. Paige White on 03/20/08 at 02:47 PM Wonderfully written... at least we can stand under a useless umbrella together and let the rain wash away the tears. Congratulations on POTD! |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 03/20/08 at 04:02 PM Very effective metaphor. Plus, the rain cleanses, there are rainbows and hope, and we are approximately 80% water, so the metaphor works on many levels. |
| Posted by George Hoerner on 03/20/08 at 05:00 PM Congratulations on POTD!! Really done so well. At times when the clouds are falling they feel more likes rocks than rocks than rain. |
| Posted by Tony Whitaker on 03/22/08 at 06:18 AM I enjoyed the reading of this, with the way you cleverly used your line and stanza breaks. Even more important is this unresolved past you paint so well with your words... |
| Posted by Kristina Woodhill on 03/23/08 at 02:22 PM Most excellent. "standing toe to toe
with a reflection of myself
there is no one left to fight
but me" - every line delivers, but this stanza is my favorite.
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