|
brainstorm, dissolution.
by Andrew S Adamswhat tyranny racks the mind
so sublimely kept until this
mid-eve hour? what answer
will suffice for this penance?
if i should close my eyes,
what is to come of
the questions which have
no answers?
will i believe that
these are the tired lamentations
of resounding sleeplessness?
or simply the scribbles
of endless doubt?
is this room so dark that
it's fingers wrap around every whisper,
every glimmer?
what evil has possessed this night?
where are my hostage dreams?
will i find them at gunpoint? or,
worse yet, their contents
strewn
about the room,
dripping
off the walls
in some
obscene fashion?
what would happen
if i should open my eyes?
what must i do to
pacify this tyranny?
what now,
must i sacrifice?
09/21/2004 Author's Note: Creative Writing assignment: question poem. Critiques, please. i'm not fond of my orginization, though i am pleased with some of the images. what can i do for this? help! note: i've revised this a good deal since i first posted it (currently, it's been about 2 hours)... but i still want critiques. thanks!
Posted on 09/22/2004
Copyright © 2024 Andrew S Adams
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Kenneth Lau on 09/22/04 at 09:20 PM Man definitely lovin those images...I wish I had critique, but structure isn't something I'm very useful with :P and the rest of the poem really is just quite awesome. I especially like "where are my hostage dreams" and the questions following that. |
| Posted by JD Clay on 09/25/04 at 04:38 AM I came exploring your library and this is where I landed. Since you stated in your authors note that you are looking for critique, let me take a stab.
Truthfully, this multi-faceted piece seems more like a series of questions than a question poem. My suggestion would be to pose your question, summarize with a brief discourse, then offer a solution, for the sake of congruity. You've got a good start, Andrew, it just needs closure, and with some tailoring it has great promise. Think - beginning, middle, and end. I hope that helps.
Pe4ce... |
| Posted by Mark Maxey on 01/17/05 at 10:25 PM it's fingers wrap around every whisper,...love that line...very kewl...tho a good editor once said verbs are best...you might want to switch it to wrapped....but great use of imagery |
|
