no simple term
that golden word
Remission

from 'remiser' in French
drink up the second-most craved
description, close runner-up to 'cured'
- first place for certain!

But for now soak up
Remission

fine, user-friendly
champagne of words
the cocktail
temporary or permanent
of hope
and relief

running a normalcy back
into routine
but not a moment ever taken for granted again
almost to utter it is a bold dare

I kept it inaudible at first
dragged its release and repetition
from my oncologist's mouth
even as he seemed reluctant to announce it
and only called it 'apparent'

don't anyone let the sound fade
before the ravaging return
guard it, take it home and frame it in a locket
hanging over your heart

remission, remiser: "To delay, to ease
and settle back to its usual place...."
now digest it, take it home
wrap it up, freeze-dry the letters
take a photo
copy them out in your journal
you've reached this well-earned point

after you had to crawl to breathe
now celebrate!
But never let the beast that starts with 'C'
know if you're scared
empowering its return
to laugh at your premature rejoices
and when family and friends
accidentally assume
you can put dreams on hold
delay or make pipe promises
of trips and words of love
or juggle against your joy in the moment
fighting like they never almost
lost, forgive them forgetting
you've learned
not to procrastinate living, forever

not to put on the shelf, for tomorrow
one chance to hold hands
exchange birthday dates
meet one another's families
wait until later
after making sure it will be just right
or permissable
not one kiss or hug put on hold
or confession of adoration
unfamiliar word left unresearched
song left in mute
stage unattended
favourite language unfrequented
applause withheld, for further engagements
request to hear your opinion
all this forms the greed, lust, hunger
since entering the realm of Remission

developing the best habit
for life-quality
taught us by children
- the cherishing - wide-open awe -
in simplicity
of the smallest miracles

yes, the big 'R' word
rules our house right now

one is for cancer
in mid-life mom, wife, writer
one for poly-arthritis
in youth, student, daughter,
cutting into life athletic, theatrical,
musical and strong
their realm began the same year
for each
granted peace of pain's reprise
cells cooperating; body and mind in happy growth
families and friends on break
in their demanding roles of
tending, driving, worrying, waiting
on appointments and treatments and
scheduled months of drug or other therapy
witnessing the pain winces

one ominous drug in common
methotrexate
some take it with gold
same medication, different reason

God had Mom try it first
We're not purely pain, tension, conflict, or
exhaustion-free
but more the functionary folks we were, again
able to enjoy a living day after day
and keep up pretty much like the others
never neglecting to honour health
and for me
wonder why some of my fellow patients
younger, older, same age as me, fell
still sick or are now
no longer here
struck when I was or earlier, or since,
never enjoyed a respite
any remission for them unearth-bound

Don't let the sound of the word
fade
we must roll the 'R' of its passion
persist in those s's of strength
Keep the word - evict the violation.

But only when it's safe to,
all treatments done
cast away the assault
on cells that couldn't seem
to fight back on their own

rally for joints that are so young
four years ago so free
try not to over-council one another
or patronize, but ensure we keep
on top of all the toil of
disease management

a young girl into early adulthood
should enjoy her prime years
not host her body's civil war
still, auto-immune insists
upon invasion
but then there is
Remission
holiday and retreat from repression
by unexplainable terrorists
and violators
spell of disease delayed or defeated
forever, ideally

Now let's put back our lives
make the minutes matter most
these moments a gift of magic
earn our right to still roam the world

work, walk, woo life
waltz, whisper of romance
laugh at how trivial we must look
in the grand scheme
but make significant all our moves

delight that we can take steps
go to gatherings
meet new people
tell the stories for the rest
beyond the former states
and create new ways of being
Beyond our own
House of Remission

02/28/2001

Author's Note: I wish this and more, for all fighting cancer, and I never take for granted that gift, the R word, with which I've continued to be blessed for five and a half years.

Posted on 03/29/2004
Copyright © 2024 Maureen Glaude