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Winning by Default
by Trisha De GraciaUnderstanding's never easy
when all your boyfriend talks about
is his ex.
All he sings about is her.
So many verses are for the love he used to have
with her
and so many aren't for what we have now.
What do we have now?
What's love with an exception?
Still love?
If you could relove an old flame
in exchange for a petty present day...
Is he only in love when she's not around?
If she told him she loved him
and said she was sorry
and lived within a block
would he chuck all his love for me at my feet
and walk?
Is it possible to have a trusting relationship when the only thing you can trust
is that he doesn't know what he'd do if that scenario was real?
Is THAT love?
When he says he means it
he knows it. He feels it.
But when I'm not there who's sleeping in his bed with him?
Me or her?
Every song he writes...
Every stanza...
every poem that even TOUCHEs on love
is always touching her
and as much as I understand (and I do understand, and I'm willing to be understanding)
it hurts.
It hurts me so much. I deal.
I take it
but I'm not metal or air.
I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that I wish that maybe
one day
he'd write something for me again?
No strings attatched?
to wish that for once since we started in on this again
a piece just told me how much he loves me?
Or even that he appreciates me?
They don't anymore
and maybe that's just how it is.
Maybe I ought to just take that too.
It rips me apart to think he might trade in all we've got
for a shot at "his ideal"
and the only thing that seems to tape me together again
is when he holds me and says it,
but then
what is love with an exception?
"I love you except for if I could logically be with her again."
That's not love...
That's a filler.
That's biding your time.
That's winning by default. 01/12/2004 Author's Note: I'm shaking... I'm afraid of pressing "Add this poem".... It's not really a poem I don't think... But these are my biggest fears right now, and before, but alot is right now. Sometimes I feel them, and sometimes I don't, but this is the kind of stuff I'd usually only write for myself. I'm afraid... I want to apologizebut there's nothing I've really done wrong. so why do I feel so sorry? Sorry to put this on him? Of course he'll read it. Sorry that now and then I give into jealously? Maybe those are why. I'm sorry...
Posted on 01/12/2004
Copyright © 2024 Trisha De Gracia
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Lindsay Sanders on 01/12/04 at 10:01 PM wow i spent my whole weekend talking to a friend in the same situation. all i can say trisha ia eventhough i don't know you personally, you deserve the best. don't settle. ::hugs:: |
| Posted by Lindsay Sanders on 01/12/04 at 10:02 PM is* typing is not one of my skills. :) i'll also add that the title of this is splendid. |
| Posted by Barbara Griffith on 01/13/04 at 01:23 AM Oh sweetheart... you aren't silly for posting this... while he's got every right to feel a certain way, so do you. The title alone is so amazingly powerful I don't even want to touch on the raw emotions in the poem. |
| Posted by Agnes Eva on 01/14/04 at 01:30 AM hmm, welcome to bandguyssucksville. because it can. and just cuz your feelings mean nothing to this boy, doesn't mean you aren't having completely Valid Instincts. All you're saying is true. If "love the one you're with" doesn't work for you, then it won't. yikes look at me going on, & I don't know you but you remind me of my past relationships is all.... good luck, :) |
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