104

that's her age there
in big round numbers.
still taking care of herself,
for the most part.

i arrived seven years ago.
only seven? it seems a lifetime.
long enough to see the ending
of dozens of lifetimes.

she was there then
and we're still both there.
i wonder why sometimes,
i never meant to stay.

she of course, can't leave.
too many nights i stayed
trying to explain that
as her mind slipped.

that was only this summer.
she's better now, meds rebalanced
but i can see the cracked edges
all too clearly.

am i the only one who pays attention?
i wonder sometimes...
seems i'm always first to notice
when she needs help or has a problem

she knew. she knows.
told me too many times
when the others didn't help.
but i can't be there all the time.

i can't. i wish i could.
the face she makes when
i tell her i have a day off...
or worse, a weekend!

and the smile when i come back.
she never fails to ask
"are you taking care of me tonight?"
i nod, such a beautiful smile answers

so i keep coming back.
one day she won't be there, i know.
she tells me she wishes
the lord would take her already.

but he hasn't yet
and i'm not complaining.
i suppose that's a little selfish
but it'll happen soon enough.

she's already 104.
how many years can one worn out body hold?

12/21/2003

Posted on 12/21/2003
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