=-it stopped raining so she went out with too many looseleaf pages stuffed into a spiral notebook folding over / collapsing into each other & as she stepped across the dotted yellow lines & shifted the weight of her books from her hip to her chest / they became liquid & slippery, littering out in one solid mass and exploding into a fierce 8 1/2" x 11' snowstorm ///:: and she felt it go, & she looked back & the light changed & thousands of tiny, indescribeable tires had never cared less / gluing page after page to the sticky wet street & spitting up hissing clouds of mist in their wake / her scarf frozen in the swirl as she whipped around / and when the sky is a dirty offwhite like this she can't function beyond smoking & staring & feeling the trains rumble under the concrete / / unfamiliar like staring at the back of someone else's head & the tires smear the trillion tiny puddles into the air & they fall again & recollect in all the same potholes and roadsides & the water just gets dirtier and dirtier and dirtier && my fingers were cold branches scratching down to nubs on the window & i'm looking up and i'm looking out & suddenly that forehead is mysteriously cold and begins to ache like the rest of it & everything else still hanging overhead twisting and contracting with every breath
& what if this is it if this is my whole life coming undone and slipping away into the streets with the cold whirlwind races && that's just like the movies && that's what i always wanted , wasn't it
& the light goes red &
i just walk away.

11/17/2003

Author's Note: icanticanticant i need the crook in your neck more than anything i cant wait these fortysix days

Posted on 11/18/2003
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