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a realization while it's raining and it's made a world of diff..

by Olivia Weinkein

i can remember the way it felt having you
lying next to me with such precision that
if i were to let myself slip even a little bit
into that realm of thinking it would take
someone nearly all day to make me realize
that you aren't really there beside me.
and even then, i would still think they were
lying. and i can remember the hollow expression
you would wear when you were unsure of
yourself, unsure of me. unsure of this "we" you
had gotten yourself into. i can even remember
the sound of your voice when you were choking
on tears because i had made you cry once again
about something. hell, i can even remember the
something(s).
but for the life of me, i cannot remember any kind
of laughter from you. not
one
single
moment
of
laughter from you.
but this (non)memory is what's going to finally,
permanently break me from you.
because i don't understand how i could have ever loved
someone who didn't know how to laugh.

but nevermind that because
i know that i can't
now.
and this is what is finally going to make the difference.
this is when i'm going to say goodbye and finally,
thankfully
mean it.

i'm over ALL of it now.

and all because,
you never laugh(ed).

09/27/2003

Author's Note: kind of a rambling type thang. nothin great. well, ok yeah it is great because this is one of the truest things i've written in a long time. and it just happened (the whole realization/writing)like not even 5 mins ago. a part of me is never going to be the same and thats what makes this great to me anyway. yay. other than that, it's a pretty crappy "poem" but yay again, just because.

Posted on 09/28/2003
Copyright © 2024 Olivia Weinkein

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Agnes Eva on 09/28/03 at 02:53 AM

i don't know why introspection can often feel like not a good poem to the writer (happens to me too). maybe if we didn't confuse "getting all our feelings out" with "needing to keep every word". but that's the nature of pouring emotions, we don't want to edit. this poem is great because of its central realization, the form could just do with a bit of tightening up to concentrate it more.

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