Even if I had anything worth anything to say
you wouldn't listen
but I don't
your ears and my breath
are saved

How much longer?
How much longer will you go on
taking advantage of me
of my kindness
of my heart on my sleeve
of my love for you
of me
of ME?

How much longer will I go on
being taken advantage of
letting you in
letting you take
letting my heart be stabbed
in a million tiny pieces
and I just go right on
picking them up as if it is supposed to happen
How much l
o
n
g
e
r
???

The honeymoon is over
and we're not married
we don't even live together
though it seems as if you're here
morning noon and...
not night
night is when I want you here
to hold me
just to hold me
help me fall asleep
make me feel loved
not used
not cheap
loved
and safe
in your strong arms
safe from your cynical sneer
safe from your expectations
safe from our yelling and screaming
safe and in the dark
in the dark where evil breeds
but you won't let it harm me
you won't let it envelop me
and take me away
Not the outside evil
you want to destroy me on your own
an acomplishment
a victory

The romance died a long time ago
along with my spirit

I love you
but sometimes I really really really
do not like you
(and that's okay)

07/01/2003

Author's Note: After watching Oprah today, I realized that indeed (what I've been thinking for awhile now) my ever-loving boyfriend is lacking in the romance department. He's not evil, he doesn't hurt me, would never do so intentionally... but sometimes he leaves much to be desired. So, after a long conversation tonight about such, we'll see what happens. :) This poem... ahh... not gonna explain myself... take from it what it is worth and what it means to YOU! :) Thanks for reading, ~Amber

Posted on 07/01/2003
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