Third Novel—First




I was thinking the other day about my being an author and realized that the best use of my writing time would be used toward writing the third novel—first. I have a good idea what I want the third novel—first to be about and I shouldn’t share that with you right now. However, what I can tell you about is why I am going to start today with my third novel—first. It’s simple really.

You see on the first novel you’re like the non-data or not-known of a formula. In this formula or the publisher-making-money—which is why a publisher exists—lie the three shores: author, publisher and reader. So no matter that you’re the author you lie helplessly at the feet of all publishers who will read your work. And deep down, past all the façade of I-just-love-to-write-and-I-don’t-care-about-being-published is the fat, obnoxious fact that all writers want to be published. How else can we cover our chameleon ego’s fragility?

Now you’re probably wondering about the second novel and why I wouldn’t start with it. It too is simple. The second novel will have readers that have read my third novel—first and revel like they have just joined the Oprah club. Also, there will be readers who say the second novel isn’t as good as the first (another reason for not writing the first novel—first!) but will read it anyway hoping that it will get better. Too, the readers who read the first novel—first [were I to write it] would be expecting the second novel-second to be just as good as the first novel—first or better and if the latter is true then more readers would want to read my third novel—first because I will have had the practice of not writing two previous novels. n’est-ce pas?

This position I’m taking is actually a labor-saving device for all involved. By my not writing the first novel—first and the second novel—second but instead writing the third novel—first I save the editors a lot of unnecessary reading of my never-written first or second novel. They can then more judiciously allot their time for the up-coming success of my third novel—first including hiring more staff to handle all the orders that will come in wanting copies.

I have yet to mention other perks for the publishing of my third novel—first. Publishers will save enormous bucks by not having to print and mail all of the rejection letters that always come with receipt of a first novel. Nor will they have to read the never-written, never-sent second novel. So reading-time spent by not reading the first and second never-written, never-sent novels will be non-existent. The publishers are freed-up to golf, hunt, go to the beach, raise their kids etc., but their time will not be spent not reading novels that haven’t been written and never sent.

So ... a word to the wise! The writing-publishing milieu can get confusing.

Anyway, I’ll need to find an agent who would like to market my third novel—first. And having done that it would be her job to assist me in finding the right publisher for my third novel—first. These publishers [those who print third novels—first] are as hen’s teeth, very rare. Some were schooled in ordinal numbers and can’t work with the concept of making third—first. These ordinal publishers are ubiquitous.



I suppose since I know what my third novel-first will be about I should begin (at least) some work on my second novel—second. But I’ll tell you I’m more concerned about the subject matter for my first novel-third. If my third novel—first is about Jane Smoe and her life’s adventures then perhaps the second novel—second should/could be about her further adventures. Quien sabe?

But this kind of look-into-the-future is always scary for no one knows what the public [they] wants from one day to the next. Precarious and precocious is the public. Sometimes they are delighted to read the third novel—first. Sometimes it is rather wearing on their nerves when they read the first novel—third. So, to this group I would suggest they follow their heart. If they have to read the first novel—first, then so be it; however, for those who can and need to read the third novel—first then kudos to you.

I need to turn my attention now to the second novel because I have already written the third novel—first. Well, all I have left to do is write it down. I mean I already know who and what they’re going to do in my third novel—first. So all I have to do is get the story (when I write it down) to a publisher and then await all the orders.

But once I get an idea I’ll begin the second novel.

I suppose l’ll also need to get a travel agent so I won’t have to deal with all the mess of scheduling my near-continuous vacation. I’m thinking about one of my choices being Aruba or maybe New Zealand. Who knows? Also the book signings, tours, readings to professional groups, etc., need to be carefully considered and I’ll need a private secretary who can handle all this.

Let me advise all of you wannabe writers out there. As you can see it is a difficult, slippery slope this writing career you’ve chosen. I expect some of you will achieve success even though you’re going to be obstinate and write your first novel—first and not the well-thought-out way I have chosen.

You must remember that everyone is a critic and you should expect nothing less from them. Similar to the Supreme Court who can’t describe indecency but know it when they see it, critics don’t know how to write a story they just know how to castigate or castrate yours, according to your perspective.

Roman artisans recited, “nulla dies sin linea” or never a day without a line. Write on! Onward! Upward! Excelsior, our motto! Excellence, our aim!

04/29/2003

Author's Note: ...this is a one and half-page short, short story...reading time: approx. 8 and one half minutes...of your 20, 000 day life.

Posted on 04/29/2003
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